When I was younger, I foolishly thought my heart was always in the right place. I could never see my wrongs or for that matter, recognize other people's faults. The trust was always there and so was the enthusiasm for well, just about everyone and everything. What I have learned this past year...sigh....or more is that there are no straight lines to anything.
As I have aged, I see now that anything linear or seen as linear can be very disappointing if not dangerous, particularly to our mental health. Trust means everything. Along with trust, we begin to understand that nothing linear makes us entirely fullfilled or happy. We have to embrace the twists and turns. In fact, to not expect those twists and turns is a recipe for disaster. No matter how are we try, we can not plan for every single, life-changing, life-altering situation. This is why I have completely stopped planning. To over plan, means that at some point we will be disappointed. My disappointments are far and few between but they are indeed part of my experience. I followed the straight line and recently, got very tired of doing so.
Perhaps, it is a sign of aging but I have become increasingly aware of how much I have learned and how much I appreciate peace. Being amongst the living means, there are always lessons. What the heart knows at this stage in the game is that there is no rhyme or reason to what happens to us. Things just materialize and they evolve and before you know it, you are looking at a lifetime of stories. Along with the stories should come wisdom but sometimes that is not the case and we are back to square one. Recently, I feel as though I am back to square one. The pandemic has made me see very clearly that we live in a bubble, and then, last year, the bubble burst...for each one of us. We were left to look at our lives, our world differently. We had to learn to adjust to limitations that we had never have had to experience. In the beginning, I did not adjust well. I do not know about anyone else but fear has made me a recluse and in my reclusive state, I was learning more about myself than I ever had in my life.
I learned to let go. I learned to take a stand for myself even when there were people who challenged my need to do so. I forgive them. I will not leave this world with regrets and so, I have none. I have learned what the true definition of the word patience means and now that I do know I want to pass the true defintion to you. Patience equals true love, honesty, no secrets and above all of those things, patience means growth. I am hoping that all of us have grown less judgemental and more compassionate. I am hoping that those people who remain in my life, will remain and if not, may their journey be one of happiness and peace.
The pandemic has taught me that not everything can be perfect or should be. Perfection is unattainable. Perfection is crazy. I would rather be "less perfect" and happy than beating my head against a wall trying to be perfect or measuring myself up to others and their standards. I have my standards. I have my expectations and they work for me...Now. Not always...but now, now they do. So get ready world...there is about to be a lot more honesty and lot more truth coming from just about everyone. I just hope, I just hope that love is part of the truth.
