"The Price We Pay..."

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word."  - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I grew up having a great respect for authority and authority figures.  My parents made sure that my sisters and I followed a civil path.  What I did not realize as a kid, was not all of those in a position of authority use it correctly, or fairly.  There's a price to be paid for forgetting to question what is the truth. The truth is this...We have not learned a thing.  No amount of history, and the tragedies that we have witnessed have seemed to correct what will always be true about the human condition and that is, there will always be varying degrees of ignorance and people will will turn a blind eye to the truth out of fear.  Hatred arises from ignorance as well.  It is easier to act violently than to understand or walk in someone else's shoes.  Our nation is angry.

Our nation is angry for a multitude of reasons.  We no longer feel safe. Our ability to reason has been replaced by the lack of acceptance. We live in a society that was built on rebellion and the abuse of one culture over the other.  Why hasn't anything changed?  It hasn't changed because so many people are hurting and trying to find anything to replace their stress and their misfortune.  Poverty, sickness and fear make us vulnerable...and we are vulnerable.  All of us can find ourselves on the other side of misfortune.  Most of us have experienced some form of injustice. Some more than others have been victimized generation after generation. Racisim exists because we allow it to exist and one would think we would all just be too tired of the same history to be angry with anyone. The pandemic has not even changed the determination some have to harm.  Human nature, unless we correct the battle between the "haves and the have-nots," wil continue to harm itself.  We need to level the playing field. 

We need to feed the hungry.  We need to take a look at our politics and make our government accountable for these inequalities.  Government is not paying attention nor does it care to pay attention because those who hold office are well-off and playing the politics that appeals to the lowest common denominator.  We have allowed ourselves to remain ignorant and now, now the truth is right in our faces and we need to make a very conscious effort to find our love and our empathy before we lose all that we have.  We need to look in the mirror and take an honest look at what we want.  Do we want civility and peace or chaos?  Are we going to self-destruct or take a look at ourselves and realize that our world is small and we are multi-cultural.  One size does not fit all. 

We need to self-moderate our behavior and our values and that applies to all of those who work within the public sector.  We need to continue to have a system that doesn't hide behind it's dirty laundry but embraces it and corrects for the good of its people.  ALL PEOPLE.   We have the potential to change but only if we can look at the truth.  The truth is there is hate.  There is anger.  History is remaking itself or repeating itself. It depends on how we look at it.

We need to find a more compassionate way to help those who can not help themselves.  Prayer is not enough. Talking is not enough.  If we are enjoying the comforts of a decent, comfortable life, then we need to appreciate it by sharing what we can.  Peaceful protest matters too.  We are allowed to have our voices heard.  We are allowed to voice an opinion and to disagree...peacefully.  People respond with violence when they believe no one hears them. Their behavior is dictated by the the behavior they have experienced.  I say we listen.  I say we start listening to each other.  I say we take the politics out of what we are witnessing right now and participate publicly our desire to correct what is obviously wrong. That takes courage.  That takes character.  That takes love not politics. 

"Who Rescued Who?"

“Cats are connoisseurs of comfort.”

― James Herriot, James Herriot's Cat Stories

One of the things that assured me of my love of my husband, was indeed our love of cats.  When we met, I had two. He had two.  When we joined our lives, our feline domesticuses had to adjust.  For my two and myself, the adjustment I believe was harder.  New territory, new relationships always are. My husband knows quite a bit about animals. He is a naturalist and he was always conscientious of what our brood needed.  When his two beautiful Maine Coons passed at the ages of 18 and 21 respectively, my husband was beyond heart-broken and I believed we would never have another pet in the house again.  Mitty and Mojo were his family.  The grief was felt by us both.  

Two years passed and one day, my husband emailed me pictures of four kittens who needed rescuing.  I was shocked and relieved actually.  Their eyes stared at me. Their little faces were calling out to us.  How could we pick?  Leo had long red hair and he reminded me of my ol pal, Patsy.  He looked me and I emailed King,,,"I want him!!"  I wanted him to pick one.  There she was.  "Luna."  A long gray haired, wide-eyed beauty.  She reminded me of his "Mitty."  Our decision was made.  We made the arrangements to pick them up.  It was a long week.  Saturday came and we got in the truck and headed to the Petco in Mahopac where our babies would be delivered to us.  They were coming from Kentucky and I prayed that they would be in good health when we met them.  I had never arranged to get rescued animals before and I was nervous.  I was hoping they were healthy.  I felt a great deal of trepidation knowing they had travelled so far and from what circumstances.

We waited over an hour and finally they arrived.  The cages were brought into the store and King and I rushed to the cages looking.   There they were.  Leo and Luna.  Luna and Leo.  They were in excellent health, spade, and had received their first set of vaccinations.  As I held them both, and their eyes met mine, I knew we needed them and they needed us.

The minute they got home, their joy was our joy. They found their litter box right away and their food dishes.  Until they were adjusted,  we kept them contained to one part of house and that first night, Luna and Leo slept by our heads.  Gratitude, happiness, comfort. 

It's been almost a year now since we adopted Leo and Luna.  King has so far bought more toys than they can play with and a cat tree houses. They are troublemakers! Luna jumps onto the the tub to play with the water, usually when I'm in it. She carries her toys in her mouth and delivers them to us on the bed. Leo lobbies for food exactly at six o'clock a.m. and five o'clock p.m.  They love it when King plays with them.  They crave attention. Well who doesn't?  The attention though is received on their terms.  That perhaps is an important lesson for anyone.  Live, love on the terms you are comfortable with and you will find happiness.  That's when you know you've won. Pets and their owners know the meaning of patience.  They know the meaning of teaching and education.  They teach us too...more than we realize.

They speak of animals finding their "forever homes."    As King and I watch Leo and Luna, and revel in the joy that they bring us, we know that nothing is forever.  We can only love and find love when it's presented to us.  

"Blog 106 - Celebrate With Me"

"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing" - Elizabeth I

As I was looking at my blog "With a Conscience" today, I suddenly realized that this will be blog number 106.  I have written 105 posts and it feels like it was just yesterday when I began to write simply as a way of appealing to people's sense of decency regardless of ethnicity, religion, or financial means.  Look at where we all are today.

I have been writing this blog for eleven years.  I had only been married a little more than a year. I had roughly two years of teaching under my belt and they were the hardest years I have ever experienced.  See, a good marriage and an effective teaching career are built on communication and flexibility.  I was terrible at both.  Little did I realize that among all of the mistakes I was making in those years, I was actually thriving.  I was surprisingly growing up.  When you teach middle school, when you teach teenagers, you realize that you don't have all the answers to life.  You only have your own experiences to guide you.  You walk into a marriage or the classroom with a certain belief system.  Yours.  What you come to realize is that not everyone has the same belief system as you do nor will they...EVER.  I had to change if I was going to find peace with any of the decisions I had made.  As it turns out, that was a foolish endeavor as well.  You change not to accommodate anyone else.  You change because you know deep down that it's in your best interests to do so.  

At 59, I have the means and freedom to accept or change the situations that come my way.  I can, and you can, live with the knowledge that not everyone has to look at the world the way you do.  We develop our beliefs from our upbringing and our past decisions.  No one is immune from heartache, disappointment, loss, joy, anger, happiness, and passion.  We maintain our balance by looking within ourselves and not to anyone else.  THAT is by far the hardest lesson that there is to learn.  We can choose to carry hurt, anger and disappointment or see the joy that's right in front of us.  This is our choice.

106 posts.  106 different ways have been published to share the ride I have been on since I found the courage to write and express what I see is happening in the world around me.  It's become even more interesting when our world has grown smaller with our confinement.  "Our sheltering in place" has become a mantra for looking at what is right in front of us with more truth, more honesty and more emotion.  My hope is that we become better.  My hope that we learn how to communicate more effectively for our own health and well-being and also so that others appreciate where we are and where we need to go from here.  

Let us proceed "with a conscience."  Let us move forward and embrace what we have lost and look forward to what's ahead of us...with a conscience.