"Men and Women...Women and Men"

 

     Let's begin with a quote by Bertrand Russell, the British philosopher and Nobel Laureate. "Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives."  As King and I celebrate a sixteenth New Year together, I know full well Russell was correct.  Most of us get married to escape loneliness and perhaps ourselves.  But there is no better mirror of ourselves than our partner.  When we marry, we are agreeing to the image that is witnessed by our partner. We need to remember that men and women see things very differently.  What matters to one, will never totally matter to the other.  The television remote is the finest example of this.

     There are a billion reasons why we marry but the key reasons are private only to those making the commitment.  We look at some married couples in awe of their compatibility and their partnership. Are we sure of that?  The on-line dating phenomena makes the lonely-hearts establish a sense of "taking action."  We should know by now, that forcing a life changing situation to happen, spells disaster.  The organic nature of how a relationship happens is it's true manifestation.  We are "called."  So here in my universe is what men should know about women:

• When a woman mentions that she wants something done, don't make her wait. She wants it done because it is important.  Don't question it.  Don't ignore it. Just do it.
• Kindness will always guarantee marital whoopee.  Kindness is the fossil fuel of love.  
• Relationships transition based on what both people have grown up with as children.  This is true.  We marry what we know.  Ponder this for a second or maybe two.  We find familiarity in our love of another.  There always needs to be common denominators for two people to be attracted.  The question is can these denominators withstand a life time of unity? 
• If one or the other is doing housework, that's a clue that the one NOT doing the housework should offer to help. Clutter, is NEVER appreciated.  It breeds anxiety.  It breeds frustration.  UNLESS, both parties don't give "a hoot."   Be mindful of what is important to the other.  Here's a tip: Boxers do NOT belong on the floor. The Keurig Coffee Maker should always be full.  Never, never underestimate a wonderful home cooked meal.  Either party should know how to cook.  Waaaaay important.
• Men see things differently than women do.  Ask a man to find his keys and the whole house turns upside down.  Women keep their keys in their Dooney and Bourke handbag attached to the clip that's provided. Never, NEVER underestimate the power of fashion. Man eyes are not like female eyes.  Women see the emotional value.  Men want to fix things but when they can't, they let us fix it ourselves.  It's probably better that way. 
• I read recently where couples who argue regularly, have a better chance of staying together.  I was at first perplexed by that until I realized that those who don't argue, lose their voice.  It's very easy to lose one's voice in a marriage. It's a long way back to finding it again but it is possible through love.
• Men speak differently than women do.  Men are direct.  Men demand.  That's the simple truth.  Men are not afraid to ask for what they want. Women have found that they will go much further when they are direct, when they demand.  The balance of how and when is the secret...at least for women. However, the worst thing thing a man and women can do is ignore each other's voice.
• Most men can not multi-task.  A woman can do three loads of laundry, completely vacuum the entire house, clean the bathrooms and read their horoscope WHILE  preparing their work for the next day. We do indeed know how to manage our time. Men who can build, fix, and repair are so incredibly wonderful but they can never handle more than one thing at the same time. This is where women have to be patient.  Here's a tip...We are NEVER patient. It's our cross to bare. Love us anyway. 

     Men and women don't have to weighed down by oppressive relationships.  This is why men are so confused these days.  The playing field has leveled.  The only reason to marry is for love. If that is not in the equation, don't. Now sometimes things dramatically change.  Two people wake up look at each and say, "What the hell?"  Feelings get hurt.  The lawyers make a mint.  Families are forever changed and it takes forever and day to realize that they were better off. Or were they?  Only the couple knows for sure.  No one else are suited to make that judgement.    

      Love is a double-edged sword.  Men and women need each other but not for the reasons we traditionally think.  We need each other because well, it just feels right and it makes sense. The best relationships are not one-sided. There are constant negotiations. It's very much like the United Nations.  Organically, we see that light that connects one heart to another.  We feel it.  We know it makes sense.  We must be prepared for best and the worst. The best type of love occurs organically. I think that's a safe assumption for any relationship.