2018 - Part Two

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something."   - Neil Gaiman

     I'm not done yet, not by a long shot.  As the new year approaches, and I am quieted by the cold weather, there is nothing more warming than knowing that my life needs to have a purpose.  I wish a life of purpose for everyone.  What that purpose is remains an individual choice but none the less, a life with purpose is the energy that feeds us.

     I see 2018, not without its challenges.  I see 2018 not without a variety of insurmountable odds and at the same time, not without joy.  It's going to be a lot like going to Great Adventure and riding on "King Da Ka."  Thrilling, exciting, not without nausea, and that feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you can't get off the ride.  The ride doesn't stop for just one person's inabilities.  You get off the ride when everyone else does.  Now, the choice to go back on is entirely up to each of us but once you're on, you're on.  It does help when you take that ride with a supportive partner.  Love is a roller-coaster ride unto itself. However, we all need support and we all need love, in all of its shapes and sizes.  

     Author of self-help books, Melodie Beattie wrote, "Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls."  She also wrote about the importance of goals.  Now goal setting is challenging and often disappointing.  But when we can share our hearts with others, when we give part of ourselves to others, we have already accomplished more than we can possibly imagine.  To discover empathy, means we have the ability to walk in another's shoes and see their point. We don't have to agree with it but if we understand where they are coming from, we can find peace.

     Becoming a teacher was not a difficult decision but the day to day immensity of issues that surface with my students has been over-overwhelmingly difficult.  I choose to give more on those days not less.  When my relationships are disappointing or I feel that I am extremely misunderstood, I have to think of another way of communicating what I need for my own sanity and through the years, I have become much better at that.  When I write, or when I am fortunate enough to be on stage, what feeds me is laughter.  What feeds me is the excitement and the sound of my shoes hitting the stage floor, delivering lines to an audience who wants nothing more than to come to the theater to forget their problems for a while.  When they laugh, I am satisfied.  I have found a purpose with every bow.

     When I am home, I watch my husband cook and I see how much energy and although there will most definitely be a huge mess afterwards, I become the willing partner and clean up after him.  Eating healthy is his purpose so I can't ignore that.  We are healthier, lighter and fulfilled.  There will always be dirty dishes, laundry to do and clutter, but it is our clutter, we earned it.  We are lucky to have it. Many are not. 

     When can wish all we want for things that seem beyond our reach but the real gratitude is not looking ahead but living with what we are experiencing now.  If we crave change, we have to appreciate what we have first and although scary, change can happen over time.  There is no room for passive-aggressive behavior.  We need to make our peace with our decisions or if we can't, find a way to do so without regrets.  A life with purpose can simply mean understanding where someone else is coming from and allowing them to come to their own conclusions.  I have discovered that if someone needs my help, they will ask for it.  When I need help, I ask for it.  I am not afraid to ask those I trust to help me come to a solution.

     The world can become empty and exhausting if we let it.  We need to feed our souls with love, friendship and honesty.  2018 seems rather mysterious.  We can not be afraid.  We simply raise our glass and welcome another day, another year.  To not, means we are doing ourselves a grave injustice. Bring it on 2018.  Shut the door on the past, lick your wounds and never be afraid of love.   Don't be eager to please in 2018, be eager to appreciate the purpose of your life and go from there...The people in your life are counting on that for sure...

2018 - The Year to Decide

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."

 - Eleanor Roosevelt

    Quite a year, 2017.  In fact, the last three to four years have been quite over-whelming for many in my circle.  So this Christmas, as 2017 is soon to be part of our past, I wish for nothing more than peace for all of us.  Having said that, for myself, I would like to make one major promise, that I will not only be kinder to others, but to be kinder to myself.  

     It's not an easy pill to swallow when you wake up one morning and realize that that so much time has gone by and most of that time has been sent forgetting to be mindful about what we are doing to ourselves.  Perhaps it's the fact that there are a few more aches and pains, slower digestion, and well, bedtime by nine p.m.  2017 has slowed me down and with good reason.  I simply needed to look at what was happening around me to realize that time is becoming all the more precious.  Now don't misunderstand...I am incredibly fortunate and I know it.  Most of us are lucky and we are gently reminded or NOT so gently reminded of this as each day comes and goes. I can honestly say that I am fortunate for the relationships I have and along with that success, comes the understanding that we are never going to change anyone.  Acceptance becomes part of the success.  So here are my "to-dos." No resolutions.  No absurd goals. 

• Listen more.  Talk less.  I am finding that when I am listened to that I really, REALLY appreciate the person who is listening.  They are interested.  They care.
• Have an occasional cookie.  I am determined to stay on the course but I absolutely love eating healthier.  Who knew???  BUT, an occasional cookie maintains my sanity. 
• Show even more patience.  The husband will say that through the years, I have been very impatient.  I have an "immediate gratification" impulse, especially for shoes.  Ok, ok...I can be incredibly patient these days, but shoes, well that's another story.  No one is perfect. To have patience means we are showing love and gratitude.  This doesn't mean we become easy prey. Lord knows, I understand that well but patience like listening, is an art.  You become better with practice.
• Step out of the comfort zone.  Jeez, this one is hard.  What I have found is that we change one single thing, one single behavior, that we tend to have more success and become more courageous.  I am going to embark on getting out of m comfort zone on a few matters and I fully anticipate the difficulty it will bring to do so.  Knowing that we must do this in order to re-energize, is important for a healthy mind.   When we feel too comfortable, there will be plenty of indicators that tell us to shake things up.  We can't ignore them.  We shouldn't ignore them.  
• Maintain my relationships and let love move life forward.  It really is true that to live a life without regret, means never giving up on love. Say "I love you" often and daily.  To my husband, my family, my  eclectic number of friends, "I love you."  Even when time passes and we have not seen each other as much as we'd like, "I love you."  We all have learned so much from each other. Mistakes have been made but we looked beyond them. I am grateful. When we are challenged, love more not less and see what happens.
• Enjoy the quiet as much as the noise. My life has been noisy indeed and that's partly my doing!! Thank goodness!!! Teaching is very.VERY noisy but there is a tremendous comfort in creating quiet, solitude for balance. Sometimes saying nothing, and finding a quiet place to think, takes care of many issues that we thought we could not solve.
• Learn to say "No."  I used to hate that word.  Now, I appreciate it.  We all have boundaries.  We need to draw the line for others so they understand and respect our decisions.  This is very difficult for women in particular.  We want everyone to be comforted and happy. That's dangerous.  This is when we lose sight of ourselves. 
• Find one thing, each day, that satisfied you.  As you lay on your pillow, before you fall asleep, look at all of the activity in your precious day and find some joy.  We can't ignore the difficulties that happen but we can live in that immediate moment and smile.  The past is in the past.  Let it go. Let the memories good and bad, teach you, not haunt you.

Well, this was enough to chew on I think.  May 2018, with no guarantees, bring you the radical acceptance to change if you need to and embrace the process.  Find joy in the love you have for others and enjoy the love others have for you.  No year is perfect.  No life is perfect.  Embrace yours.  Make decisions based on facts first, emotions second.  Let love be the catalyst and the answer.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!

     

The "Clause" Effect

"Of course there is a Santa Claus. It's just that no single somebody could do all he has to do. So the Lord has spread the task among us all. That's why everybody is Santa Claus. I am. You are." - Truman Capote

     So, the last couple of years have been the most difficult in my 56 years.  Life had become very grave and very serious and there was not one single thing I could do about it. What do you do when your world has so much churning and turning and worry and the anxiety is at times very difficult to process?  "This is life Claude," as my Mom and my sisters would tell me. I knew they were right and I also learned that one thing is certain...nothing is permanent.  I had become inwardly jaded and discouraged. It was all very serious. So what can someone do to rise above those difficult times? Well, I'll tell you...Volunteer and when asked, play "Mrs. Clause" to full houses with your community theater.

     After 30 plus years of performing in front of many audiences, this was different.  I had no lines.  No blocking to remember. There were no rehearsals. I simply was fitted for my "Mrs. Clause" costume and entered after the performance of "A Charlie Brown Christmas," walk down the center aisle of the theater and wave and laugh and tell the audience that I was indeed wishing them a healthy and happy holiday season.  Simple. "Easy peasy." What I wasn't prepared for was the over-whelming happiness and joy that simple task would bring into my life.

It started with the red dress with a white lace collar and the apron. Then the white wig with an adorable bun and curls made me breath differently. I was smiling almost tearful.  As I walked down the aisle, I could feel all of my past worries and hurt leave me.  All I could feel was joy, love and an acceptance of all the experiences in my life that had previously haunted me.  I felt strong.  I felt relieved and I felt love. 

     I felt the love of my husband who patiently became a theater widow for the weekend.  I felt the love of my mother, my father who is watching us from above, my sisters and all of the good friends I have who have never left me no matter how much I drove them crazy.  I felt more love of the theater than ever before simply because, this was not a part to play, but more of a joyous act of love. Love of children, their families and humanity.

     As I walked off the stage and handed candy out to the children who came, there were more surprises.  There were photos, selfies, and multiple hugs from the innocent. The little ones eyes wide and loving and accepting. "Mrs. Clause" meant freedom. "Mrs. Clause meant that generous and loving self we all have but can lose all too easily if we are not careful.   Wearing that costume took away everyone's stress and worries. I thought to myself, "Then it's time to get rid of mine."  I was allowed to purge any negativity that I had been carrying with me and without realizing it, had been affecting me and my relationships each and every day.

     Life is challenging. Life can be heart-breaking and harsh.  None of us can live any amount of years without sadness or some despair. We somehow find that Herculean strength to keep going.  We make the decision to keep our heads down and give everything time to heal.  

     To my theater friends, old and new, you gave me the greatest gift of 2017.  To those in my inner, inner circle, I love you more today than I did yesterday and appreciate every step we have taken together.  The costume is now hung and will be stored in the hallows of the theater's storage facility. However, the joy and comfort and will to be a better person, and love the life I have been given is not stored.  It is more alive than ever.  My heart is open and ready to face whatever may come my way with gratitude.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! May the holidays bring you those opportunities to share love and be the best of humanity.