2018 - Part Two

"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're doing something."   - Neil Gaiman

     I'm not done yet, not by a long shot.  As the new year approaches, and I am quieted by the cold weather, there is nothing more warming than knowing that my life needs to have a purpose.  I wish a life of purpose for everyone.  What that purpose is remains an individual choice but none the less, a life with purpose is the energy that feeds us.

     I see 2018, not without its challenges.  I see 2018 not without a variety of insurmountable odds and at the same time, not without joy.  It's going to be a lot like going to Great Adventure and riding on "King Da Ka."  Thrilling, exciting, not without nausea, and that feeling in the pit of your stomach, but you can't get off the ride.  The ride doesn't stop for just one person's inabilities.  You get off the ride when everyone else does.  Now, the choice to go back on is entirely up to each of us but once you're on, you're on.  It does help when you take that ride with a supportive partner.  Love is a roller-coaster ride unto itself. However, we all need support and we all need love, in all of its shapes and sizes.  

     Author of self-help books, Melodie Beattie wrote, "Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls."  She also wrote about the importance of goals.  Now goal setting is challenging and often disappointing.  But when we can share our hearts with others, when we give part of ourselves to others, we have already accomplished more than we can possibly imagine.  To discover empathy, means we have the ability to walk in another's shoes and see their point. We don't have to agree with it but if we understand where they are coming from, we can find peace.

     Becoming a teacher was not a difficult decision but the day to day immensity of issues that surface with my students has been over-overwhelmingly difficult.  I choose to give more on those days not less.  When my relationships are disappointing or I feel that I am extremely misunderstood, I have to think of another way of communicating what I need for my own sanity and through the years, I have become much better at that.  When I write, or when I am fortunate enough to be on stage, what feeds me is laughter.  What feeds me is the excitement and the sound of my shoes hitting the stage floor, delivering lines to an audience who wants nothing more than to come to the theater to forget their problems for a while.  When they laugh, I am satisfied.  I have found a purpose with every bow.

     When I am home, I watch my husband cook and I see how much energy and although there will most definitely be a huge mess afterwards, I become the willing partner and clean up after him.  Eating healthy is his purpose so I can't ignore that.  We are healthier, lighter and fulfilled.  There will always be dirty dishes, laundry to do and clutter, but it is our clutter, we earned it.  We are lucky to have it. Many are not. 

     When can wish all we want for things that seem beyond our reach but the real gratitude is not looking ahead but living with what we are experiencing now.  If we crave change, we have to appreciate what we have first and although scary, change can happen over time.  There is no room for passive-aggressive behavior.  We need to make our peace with our decisions or if we can't, find a way to do so without regrets.  A life with purpose can simply mean understanding where someone else is coming from and allowing them to come to their own conclusions.  I have discovered that if someone needs my help, they will ask for it.  When I need help, I ask for it.  I am not afraid to ask those I trust to help me come to a solution.

     The world can become empty and exhausting if we let it.  We need to feed our souls with love, friendship and honesty.  2018 seems rather mysterious.  We can not be afraid.  We simply raise our glass and welcome another day, another year.  To not, means we are doing ourselves a grave injustice. Bring it on 2018.  Shut the door on the past, lick your wounds and never be afraid of love.   Don't be eager to please in 2018, be eager to appreciate the purpose of your life and go from there...The people in your life are counting on that for sure...

2018 - The Year to Decide

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."

 - Eleanor Roosevelt

    Quite a year, 2017.  In fact, the last three to four years have been quite over-whelming for many in my circle.  So this Christmas, as 2017 is soon to be part of our past, I wish for nothing more than peace for all of us.  Having said that, for myself, I would like to make one major promise, that I will not only be kinder to others, but to be kinder to myself.  

     It's not an easy pill to swallow when you wake up one morning and realize that that so much time has gone by and most of that time has been sent forgetting to be mindful about what we are doing to ourselves.  Perhaps it's the fact that there are a few more aches and pains, slower digestion, and well, bedtime by nine p.m.  2017 has slowed me down and with good reason.  I simply needed to look at what was happening around me to realize that time is becoming all the more precious.  Now don't misunderstand...I am incredibly fortunate and I know it.  Most of us are lucky and we are gently reminded or NOT so gently reminded of this as each day comes and goes. I can honestly say that I am fortunate for the relationships I have and along with that success, comes the understanding that we are never going to change anyone.  Acceptance becomes part of the success.  So here are my "to-dos." No resolutions.  No absurd goals. 

• Listen more.  Talk less.  I am finding that when I am listened to that I really, REALLY appreciate the person who is listening.  They are interested.  They care.
• Have an occasional cookie.  I am determined to stay on the course but I absolutely love eating healthier.  Who knew???  BUT, an occasional cookie maintains my sanity. 
• Show even more patience.  The husband will say that through the years, I have been very impatient.  I have an "immediate gratification" impulse, especially for shoes.  Ok, ok...I can be incredibly patient these days, but shoes, well that's another story.  No one is perfect. To have patience means we are showing love and gratitude.  This doesn't mean we become easy prey. Lord knows, I understand that well but patience like listening, is an art.  You become better with practice.
• Step out of the comfort zone.  Jeez, this one is hard.  What I have found is that we change one single thing, one single behavior, that we tend to have more success and become more courageous.  I am going to embark on getting out of m comfort zone on a few matters and I fully anticipate the difficulty it will bring to do so.  Knowing that we must do this in order to re-energize, is important for a healthy mind.   When we feel too comfortable, there will be plenty of indicators that tell us to shake things up.  We can't ignore them.  We shouldn't ignore them.  
• Maintain my relationships and let love move life forward.  It really is true that to live a life without regret, means never giving up on love. Say "I love you" often and daily.  To my husband, my family, my  eclectic number of friends, "I love you."  Even when time passes and we have not seen each other as much as we'd like, "I love you."  We all have learned so much from each other. Mistakes have been made but we looked beyond them. I am grateful. When we are challenged, love more not less and see what happens.
• Enjoy the quiet as much as the noise. My life has been noisy indeed and that's partly my doing!! Thank goodness!!! Teaching is very.VERY noisy but there is a tremendous comfort in creating quiet, solitude for balance. Sometimes saying nothing, and finding a quiet place to think, takes care of many issues that we thought we could not solve.
• Learn to say "No."  I used to hate that word.  Now, I appreciate it.  We all have boundaries.  We need to draw the line for others so they understand and respect our decisions.  This is very difficult for women in particular.  We want everyone to be comforted and happy. That's dangerous.  This is when we lose sight of ourselves. 
• Find one thing, each day, that satisfied you.  As you lay on your pillow, before you fall asleep, look at all of the activity in your precious day and find some joy.  We can't ignore the difficulties that happen but we can live in that immediate moment and smile.  The past is in the past.  Let it go. Let the memories good and bad, teach you, not haunt you.

Well, this was enough to chew on I think.  May 2018, with no guarantees, bring you the radical acceptance to change if you need to and embrace the process.  Find joy in the love you have for others and enjoy the love others have for you.  No year is perfect.  No life is perfect.  Embrace yours.  Make decisions based on facts first, emotions second.  Let love be the catalyst and the answer.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!

     

The "Clause" Effect

"Of course there is a Santa Claus. It's just that no single somebody could do all he has to do. So the Lord has spread the task among us all. That's why everybody is Santa Claus. I am. You are." - Truman Capote

     So, the last couple of years have been the most difficult in my 56 years.  Life had become very grave and very serious and there was not one single thing I could do about it. What do you do when your world has so much churning and turning and worry and the anxiety is at times very difficult to process?  "This is life Claude," as my Mom and my sisters would tell me. I knew they were right and I also learned that one thing is certain...nothing is permanent.  I had become inwardly jaded and discouraged. It was all very serious. So what can someone do to rise above those difficult times? Well, I'll tell you...Volunteer and when asked, play "Mrs. Clause" to full houses with your community theater.

     After 30 plus years of performing in front of many audiences, this was different.  I had no lines.  No blocking to remember. There were no rehearsals. I simply was fitted for my "Mrs. Clause" costume and entered after the performance of "A Charlie Brown Christmas," walk down the center aisle of the theater and wave and laugh and tell the audience that I was indeed wishing them a healthy and happy holiday season.  Simple. "Easy peasy." What I wasn't prepared for was the over-whelming happiness and joy that simple task would bring into my life.

It started with the red dress with a white lace collar and the apron. Then the white wig with an adorable bun and curls made me breath differently. I was smiling almost tearful.  As I walked down the aisle, I could feel all of my past worries and hurt leave me.  All I could feel was joy, love and an acceptance of all the experiences in my life that had previously haunted me.  I felt strong.  I felt relieved and I felt love. 

     I felt the love of my husband who patiently became a theater widow for the weekend.  I felt the love of my mother, my father who is watching us from above, my sisters and all of the good friends I have who have never left me no matter how much I drove them crazy.  I felt more love of the theater than ever before simply because, this was not a part to play, but more of a joyous act of love. Love of children, their families and humanity.

     As I walked off the stage and handed candy out to the children who came, there were more surprises.  There were photos, selfies, and multiple hugs from the innocent. The little ones eyes wide and loving and accepting. "Mrs. Clause" meant freedom. "Mrs. Clause meant that generous and loving self we all have but can lose all too easily if we are not careful.   Wearing that costume took away everyone's stress and worries. I thought to myself, "Then it's time to get rid of mine."  I was allowed to purge any negativity that I had been carrying with me and without realizing it, had been affecting me and my relationships each and every day.

     Life is challenging. Life can be heart-breaking and harsh.  None of us can live any amount of years without sadness or some despair. We somehow find that Herculean strength to keep going.  We make the decision to keep our heads down and give everything time to heal.  

     To my theater friends, old and new, you gave me the greatest gift of 2017.  To those in my inner, inner circle, I love you more today than I did yesterday and appreciate every step we have taken together.  The costume is now hung and will be stored in the hallows of the theater's storage facility. However, the joy and comfort and will to be a better person, and love the life I have been given is not stored.  It is more alive than ever.  My heart is open and ready to face whatever may come my way with gratitude.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! May the holidays bring you those opportunities to share love and be the best of humanity.

     

"When did violence become fashionable?"

"What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? No martyr's cause has ever been stilled by an assassin's bullet. No wrongs have ever been righted by riots and civil disorders. A sniper is only a coward, not a hero; and an uncontrolled or uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of the people." - Robert Kennedy

     I've been encouraging my students to write each and every day.  I want them to express the concerns or issues that they feel are relevant or that matter to them. Most look at me with a blank stare and look at me and say, "I don't know what to write about!"  Well kids, your teacher does.  It doesn't take much thought, that as each time the news broadcasts another tragedy, we are told to rise above it and take out the Spackle to cover the holes in our hearts.  We have become or expected to become contractors, the  quicker "fixer-uppers" for each and every perverse and well-planned act of violence.  So as the broadcasts continue, I keep asking myself, "When did acts of violence and hate become fashionable?" 

     I was born in the 60's and as a child, my world was kept fairly visionary and more importantly safe.  Around me however, our world was not safe.  There were protests against the war in Viet Nam. The President Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, Gandhi, and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. were assassinated.  The Civil Rights movement brought us visible peaceful protests and violence.  But no one thought it was fashionable.The 60's brought about change.  Today, no one seems to be able to change a thing.  Why? Most of what is needed to be done seems like a "no-brainer."  Columbine should have been the catalyst. Sandy Hook should have been the catalyst.  The countless attacks since then have been the normal news and this saddens me beyond anything else I've witnessed with the exception of 9/11.  Our children are dying and most of America still loves their guns. Our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and friends are dying right on television and we still need to debate any gun regulations that make sense??

     The human race, historically has shown its violent side time and time again and we haven't learned a thing.  The difference today is that America has once again, awakened it's violent and irrational side without much provocation and it has become fashionable to show your ugliness.  It has become fashionable to forget about manners and tolerating our differences.  We shout. We yell.  We call each other unspeakable names.  We bully.  Then we kill. It gets on the news and the "mad-man/terrorist" gets the attention they never had.  We need to pay as much attention to our mental health as we do to our physical health.  That has more priority in my mind than looking at the Second Amendment.  A healthy society is a society that breeds kindness, compassion and is not afraid of change.

     What are killing besides each other, is our soul as a people.  We have forgotten that we have a soul and a heart. How did we lose our spirit? The human condition dictates that most of this is cyclical and if we're patient enough, it too shall pass.  But my fear is that it won't pass.  My fear is that as quickly as the news dissipates, we will again, stop paying attention to each other.  We will ignore our neighbors, our loved ones and close our eyes to the obvious.  We don't need more guns to protect ourselves.  We need to look out for each other and offer our hand.  That is the most effective protection we have.  If you believe in a compassionate God, then this too is the only solution.  Common sense dictates that when something is blatantly obvious, in your face, there should be no more discussion.  It simply is. The right thing is the right thing. There is no politics needed. There is no need for government debate. We know what is right.  Why are we afraid to admit it?  Those we have elected to office need to put their constituents first and stop playing politics with what is clearly obvious.  Our conscience, our moral fiber, our souls are at stake.

     I am a child of the 60's.  My parents were united on one thing.  They wanted us to talk.  They wanted to know what was going on in our lives.  We weren't blind to what was happening in the world but we wanted to make it better by having a conscience.  It's about time we developed our conscience again.

     

     

Weeding...Weeding...Weeding...Always Weeding

"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson -

          I love being outside and walking around our property.  It's so peaceful, restful and just downright therapeutic...except for the weeds.  God, do I hate weeds.  The husband will literally spend hours each spring planting such beautiful plants and flowers only to have see them over-powered literally overnight with weeds.  Not just any weeds...prickly, deeply rooted, plant sucking WEEDS!

     The husband is a naturalist.  He loves making things grow and so he does...he grows things and they flourish, and the weeds appreciate his efforts.  I go outside to the front of the house and start the extraction process only to find out, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. "Petunias, oops!  Son of a bitch! Marigolds!!! How the hell did those weeds envelope the petunias??"  The pressure!  I walk inside and tell the husband..."I give up. I simply give up."

     The process of weeding is well, tedious and never-ending. One of the first times I decided to become "one with the Earth," a swarm of hornets decided going up my pant leg was a good idea and I don't think I have jerked and jumped that hard since my disco days.  After that episode, weeding did not become a priority.  A diet tonic and a shot of  vodka was more to the liking. Then something even more definitive happened...

     The husband planted sun flowers.  He planted marigolds.  He planted peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, and herbs. He planted corn and two willow trees.  Then...he fractured his hip.  The process of trying to maintain this plethora of natural beauties was left to me.  I tried.  I got outside and I took my time.  I gingerly pulled and pulled and pulled some more of those vicious, ugly weeds to free all of the beauty that was indeed flourishing from the husband's efforts. It suddenly became very therapeutic.  One weed, two weed, three weed, gone! There were tossed into the wheelbarrow to become mulch. Ha! Take that weeds! Now, now you're fertilizer!  I was outside for a few days and the pile of weeds continued to grow and as I looked at the mountain of weeds I had plucked, I suddenly realized how therapeutic it all was.

   In short, when we extract the weeds...when we expose the beauty, there is a certain freedom and well, additional growth from the process.  It's not just weeds I've been extracting since, it's the clearing of much more.  When we personally weed, we allow the best of ourselves to grow. Why I didn't realize this until recently, I don't have a clue.  Now I also understand why my husband is the naturalist that he is.  When he grows the bounty that is ours, he is in fact sharing a clear part of himself.  I will never attest to be the naturalist that my husband is. Forget about that. However let me very clear...Weeding...it's a calling. It is for the brave who take it upon themselves to clear their space and provide room for what is beautiful.  

The hand we're dealt...

"Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it's the time when they most need to think. "  - William J. Clinton

      It's been quite the challenge these last five years.  Today, I have been reflecting on so many people in my life and how they have handled the cards they have been dealt and let's face it...the cards in their hand have definitively put their lives in a terrible place with the solutions very difficult to find.  I watched so many people that I love and deeply care for go through tragedies that would make the most of us give up the fight of living  and I wonder how they have managed to put one foot ahead of the other and come out the darkest of times, although changed, but stronger and but tired, very, very, tired.

     I have never handled the stresses of my private life well but lately what I have come to terms with is that I can get up and I can face my day and find some strength in giving my energy and my time to others.  What I am trying to understand however, is how we come through the hardest of times and manage to laugh, to seek out our friends and our family.  Why don't we all just hide? The answer I have come to realize is stubbornness.  Some of us are simply more stubborn than others and we simply don't give in to what we have faced.  It also my observation that when we have good stubborn people around us, that this also gives us some salvation. 

     Some people have a strong faith which they practice faithfully.  That seems to be one way. Some people's answer is volunteer or create a movement to bring awareness to whatever tragedy has come their way. Others suffer and grieve for an extended time and then venture out and begin their lives again.  There are those who pick up and relocate.  They change everything and leave their roots behind which considering there is tremendous world out there doesn't seem to be the worst idea as long as they are running to something rather than running away.  Having a passion has also proven to be a vary important necessity when faced with human tragedy or challenge.  Social media can be an asset for encouragement or providing reminders that "This too shall pass," But this is superficial.  We need people, good people around us.  People who understand us and will love us regardless of the fact that we indeed have fallen apart and need to put our personal puzzle back together. 

     The hurdles and tragedies all human beings face seem to come when we're not looking.  I have been in that place where I was waiting for "the next shoe to drop," only to realize that no matter how much anxiety I was experiencing, the shoe was going to drop any way.  Life has a certain level of grief.  The question we need to ask ourselves is, will we let those incidents make us turn our backs on all of what life has already given us?  The answer seems to vary depending on the person but more inherently is that we always have "choice." We make a choice as to how we're going to continue looking at the world. We find out who is with us for the long haul and who is not.  We need to love those who walk away because we can be very sure they are facing their own challenges.

     Giving of our time, our energy and our love seems to be the only way out of the darkest of times. If we can put one foot in front of the other...if we can be smart enough to put our trust in the right people, then we win. It's true that we all learn the hard way.  There is no easy way really.  But I am very sure these days, that overcoming adversity means familiarity with those who have been continually successful by simply being who they are and not hiding a thing.

 

           

"The grass is always greener...or is it?"

"You are doomed to make choices. This is life's greatest paradox." - Wayne Dyer

     I'm not sure but I'm pretty certain, no, really certain, that wanting change, or making decisions is incredibly difficult for all of us.  When we are experiencing difficult times, personally and professionally, spiritually, we are forced to find new vision through our tears. Everyone sheds tears or we want break something.  Either one, shows our frustrations and our dilemma.  How do we stop the madness and do what we personally know is right for us?

   So here's the question.  When everything is said and done, and a difficult decision is made, how do we measure whether the grass was greener?  I've been witnessed to watching so many be forced to make decisions that they thought were right at the time, tell me later, that they are no better off.  True...they are no worse off, this is also true, but the outcome wasn't what they thought or believed.  What I know to be true is that any dilemma or choice I've made or could make even today, seems to resolve itself with time.  The true nature of love heals too.  Some may ask if this is enough.  Is love enough?  The answer is yes, even when the decision we make has been made.  Once a decision is made we have to respect ourselves enough to let everyone know it was the right one for us.  

     I know what turmoil is personally.  I have felt the frustration, hurt, anger and pain of a broken heart and a broken spirit.  What saved me is love.  Not that stupidity and short term memory helps too when we are broken.  However, most of us become broken and the healing begins when we forget everyone's else's timetable and simply keep our personal one, personal.  I've learned to take a step back and own whatever I'm feeling.  

     Sometimes the choice is made for us.  In a split second, our lives can change and all of the soul-searching in the world doesn't equal a life-changing event.  I find that if love has been my major motivation that I know I will make the right choice.  After all, love is what heals.  Love is what changes everything for us.  Hate can enter the picture and we rightfully feel it but it's more often the confrontation of a problem we hate and not necessarily our relationship or our job or anything else that surfaces.  This is when we must be patient. This is when we must love.

     The older I get, the more I understand that I have less and less time for hate and for sadness.  I feel those emotions but they do not own my progress.  I do. The grass isn't always necessarily greener but when you grow or own your own parcel of land, no one can fertilize the grass's  growth but you.  Our passions, our desires lie in that one simple truth. Rushing to judgement, impressing our own value systems on others gets us no where.  It is for this reason that decisions need to be made without asking anyone what they think. We alone need to find the peace with our actions.  That's how our grass grows.  That's how it gets greener.

"The Road Not Taken"

"See, I have set before you this day life and good, death and evil... I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse; therefore choose life." - Moses

Time goes by so quickly.  It seems as though it was only yesterday that I was this energetic, spunky little kid with a ton of curiosity and boy, was I ever brave.  I was so brave in fact that Ma spent most of my wonder years trying to stop me from taking the chances I wanted to take.  The ultimate parent, protecting her young the best she could.

I am at that age where I have begun to see my friends, good friends pass away and in the throws of these changes, I recognize that I am entering that stage of life where it's "now or never."  What I am realizing is that "never" isn't part of our vocabulary.  We will pass on, just as certainly as we were born and for that reason, I have been questioning how some people can choose life and others give up.

There were so many times when I wanted to give up.  I lived in desperate flight to one thing after another hoping that the change would give me the true happiness I was looking for out of life.  But I have never given up.  Why do others give in and put a halt to their progress and sometimes their lives?  What is it that makes some make the decision to leave those they love and ultimately hurt those they love by making the decision to give up?

We all have to admit that we have made bad decisions, bad choices.  We have to live with those choices too.  But the key is to let them go. Let them fly away or dissolve like fog or snow.  We can make the choice to be frozen in our past or understand that every single thing we've experienced has brought us to where we are now. Ultimately, it boils down to this...love is not enough.  Hard work is not enough. Looking at ourselves honestly is the only thing that creates the change that I believe so many of us are looking for in our lives.

We can decide to hide our heads.  We can run away from confrontation and not live in our personal truth.  Or...maybe we just tired. This, this I believe is why so many people, good people leave us.  The depths of the human condition still leave me in awe.  What I do know is that there is a hunger, a passion and love of people that keeps me going.  How others lose that passion is baffling and very sad indeed.  So how does one find peace with all of this? 

The answer, of course centers around the word...love.  We shouldn't feel guilty if we love someone who cannot love themselves.  They've made a choice.  We shouldn't feel guilty when we have given all our time, energy and understanding to help and be the constant force that shows our loyalty and reliability.  That is an honor not a curse.  When we love someone, with all our heart, we have taken the ultimate leap into finding a new strength, a new set of values that we never knew we had.  That is the gift.  It's not about loss, or the threat of loss.  It's about change and the education we receive from surviving.

Ma may have tried to shield us from a life of hurt and disappointment but now I realize that the shield is mine to use. As it is for each of us, we chart our own course.  Peace comes from knowing that life has an inordinate number of challenges.  Sometimes we get hurt, devastated and we wonder how we will recover.  Those that recover do so because they don't know any other way.  "The Road Not Taken" means we persevere.  We put one foot in front of the other.  We aren't afraid to love.  

"All's well that ends well...or does it?"

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”
― William Shakespeare, All's Well That Ends Well

          So many people have crossed my life's path. I often forget their names or how I met them.  I forget what we did together.  Then, then I see someone from my past and remember every single moment. Usually, these moments come flooding back, either filled with joy and happiness and uncontrollable laughter or total and utter shock and disgust.  Stupidity about sums up some of these memories.  Now I realize that it's not the memories, or the pain or the regret that matters.  I'm in the "now."  

     Living in the now is something that I am still embracing.  After these last few weeks, being glued to the politics and the television, I can think of only one quote by Thomas Paine. "Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us."  I can say with certainty that the politics we are witnessing is all about character.  

     It's not the presidential election that has bothered me but the acceptance and the blatant disrespect of what makes us different.  It's acceptable now to bully, attack and make fun of people with disabilities, or who are weaker in their physicality.  It's not ok.  It will never be ok and any rationality about such behavior sickens me.  This is why, when Americans protested this week, it was their call to these inhumanities that makes the protesting so important.  Living in the "now" has awakened those who have until now been conveniently asleep or their lives have become so busy and complicated that up until now they were just too tired to do anything about what they were seeing on television or the internet. Peacefully protesting is our right.  It would not have happened to the magnitude it did, if we were content with the messages that we have been receiving over the past year. We should never be content if there is a potential that people will get hurt emotionally, financially, and even, spiritually.  

     I can tell that after numerous discussions with my 91 year old mother, that the women she gave birth to, are very different from her because that's what she was hoping for the day each of my sisters and I were born. She would tell me, "Educate the woman, and you educate the whole family." Intelligent thought, is educated thought.  The conventional life that women were brain-washed to believe would give them the ultimate happiness was not at all parallel to what was really equal and appropriate.  Today, NOW, her daughters have bachelor's degrees, master's degrees and have worked very hard at their careers and we have indeed, every right to voice our concerns when their rights are being infringed upon because some are afraid to catch up with what's already happened. Everyone has a voice and although we may not always agree, equality is an issue that should not be trivialized.  

     So what exactly makes us equal?  Why are some people considered and allowed to be more equal than others?  The answer lies within ourselves.  What we are told as children has a profound effect. .  What we are taught as children and what we are allowed to experience as children has a profound effect. There are boundaries that have to be set. There are rules that have to be followed.  We are not entitled to anything but we are free to make our own decisions.  No one can dictate our thoughts.  No one can or should dictate who we love, or how we love.  No one should dictate personal choice either. To be clear, this coming from an adult who has now voted in presidential and congressional elections since 1979. Politics needs to promote compassion, intelligent discussion and yes education.  Intelligent debate is healthy debate.  Ignorance, anger and irrationality is simply hurtful and dangerous.  We've witnessed it all recently.  

     We should never accept in others what we would not accept in ourselves. What we would not tolerate, we should not tolerate in others.  This is particularly true during our elections.  History has showed us what can happen if we turn our backs. NOW,means taking a good hard look in the mirror and realizing that the decisions we make are connected to something more than ourselves.  We are connected to each other.

"The Hike" - "Into the woods you go again, you have to every now and then..."

“My body was smarter than I was. I was with someone who would never hurt me, and so I finally relaxed.” 
― Aspen Matis, Girl in the Woods: A Memoir

     It's not a secret to anyone that I love shoes.  I am a "shoe-a-holic" and I am not ashamed. So when King gave me a pair of three season hiking boots for Christmas it was hard for me not to get excited.  Shoes are always a good idea.  Now, using the hiking boots for actual "hiking" would be some thing else again.  King is a modern day "Grizzly Adams" and being outside, hiking, is probably his most favorite thing to do.  I wanted to share that with him.  I had hiked before but not to the extent my husband has. Never up mountaintops...until I met "Grizzly Adams."  So yesterday, January 1st, 2017, King asked me if I wanted to give the new boots a test drive.  I agreed.  A winter hike would be a first for me in a very long time.

     

     We layered up and on went my new boots. As I was lacing them up around my ankle, a surge of fear came over me. I didn't want to fail and did I didn't want to fail my husband. It was the identical feeling I had the day we got married. I wanted to take the boots off and crawl back under the blankets of my warm bed and say "It's just too hard. No." 

     King grabbed our hiking poles and packed a day pack with a thermos of tea.  We were on our way.  It was in the 40's, the sun was shining and the winds were mild as we approached our path.  The first quarter mile was a complete sheet of ice.  "Use your poles," King instructed.  I was petrified.  Ice is never anyone's friend.  "You never know what you're gong to come across in the woods, so you can't panic," explained "Grizzly" as I used my poles and step by step up the icy path. I didn't know whether to kiss him or slap him.  I could feel every muscle and every tendon in my arms and legs trying to work together.  I didn't want my body to fail me.  I didn't want to fail period.

   Luckily the path warmed up, a break in the ice,  and King waited for his partner.  "Need to rest?" he asked. My husband suddenly looked different to me at that very moment. I felt safe.  How could I let him down?  Clearly, I was in the process of mentally detoxing.  I was beginning to remember how good it felt to be outside.  The sun was warmer now.  It shined down on King and I as we kept walking up the mountainside.  As we climbed higher, I needed my poles to keep me steady and to hoist me higher.   "Do you want to stop?" Grizzly asked.  "No," I managed to speak the one syllable word.  We kept going, the weather cooperated.  I could see other mountaintops and other forests.  Finally, I had to ask "How much further, dear?"  He wouldn't answer.  "We are almost there," he smartly answered.  In a matter of five or ten minutes, he looked back over his shoulder and said, "This is the top. 

You made it dear!"  I couldn't believe it. The ground had leveled out and there in front of us was fallen tree log.  We sat and King took out the tea he had made and poured us each a cup. The sun warmed us.  The tea was perfect.  Life was perfect.

     We kissed.  King packed up and we trekked home.  I used my poles like an expert on the way down and King watched carefully with a loving grin. I stopped looking at the path and looked at the world around me, the woods, the quiet beautiful woods.  The ice was but a small inconvenience now.  Getting down the mountain was much easier than going up.  Marriage is the same way.  There is a path but there are no guarantees as to what appears on the path.  Sometimes you maneuver around the icy parts, sometimes you fall right on your posterior.  But there are tools you use to get back up as long as you overcome your fear.  I realized when we got home, as I soaked in a hot tub, that I had been afraid of so many things over my lifetime and had survived.  I realized by watching my husband, my "Grizzly Adams," that he knew how to get back up too.  He is confident in the woods.  He is a survivor outside, in the woods and in life and now, at least in this moment so was I.  This is a new year, with no guarantees, no silver bullet but if you have the right tools, the right partner by your side, none of the past matters.  One single step can change everything.