"Decisions, Decisions."

“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.” – Tony Robbins

“Should I or shouldn't I?”  As we toss and turn, scrunching our pillow throughout the night, we face difficult, life changing decisions and they petrify us.  Scarier still is when we know that we have to decide to change and have no clue as to how to make the move.  “What if we’re wrong?” 

I hate being wrong.  I do.  However, the older I get, the more I am learning to embrace my mistakes, perhaps even love the idea of making them.  I hate being afraid.  Decision-making is scary particularly when it affects not just ourselves but the people in our inner circle.  We don’t want to hurt anyone.  We don’t want to inconvenience anyone.  We don’t like the discomfort. We hate conflict. These are the natural stages, or precursors to making the really big, life-altering decisions of our lives.  It’s all very personal and all too “real.”  Change is incredibly difficult, and it’s supposed to be because this is how gratitude is born.

The only way we know we have to change or decide what’s appropriate, is when our desire for change is so strong that it stares at us in the mirror each and every day.  It follows us like our shadow.  (Keep in mind; you need the sun or a really bright light to make a shadow. The light is brightest as we move towards it)  It calls to us while we’re drying our hair, driving to work and then the true predictor, when we discuss it openly with our loved ones, and our trusted friends.  But if we are waiting for anyone’s approval, beware.  Decision-making is not based on anyone’s approval.  The decision is owned by us, alone.  It’s the one and only time where loneliness or lonesomeness is an important component.  It’s required because if we put too much weight on the approval of others, we will never act on what our gut intuition tells us to be true.  We need to decide and to commit to our decisions. Beyond marriage, parenthood, and career, the commitment to change or decide is what drives us to making us feel whole.  We are what we decide.

I have found that most of the really hard decisions I have made, have resulted from love, from passion.  If love was involved, the decision was clear.  That goes for loving ourselves too.  That’s the hard part though.  When we love ourselves less, the decisions we must make, don’t get made.  Time passes by but there is no personal progress. Decision-making is personal.

The best decisions we make can often come by making smaller ones.  We take small steps.  We change with a single step and get used to the idea that change is going to come because we must move forward.  Slowly, we start feeling better.  We can discuss or plan and like a waltz move gracefully into our new world.  We know what we want and with each small step, others will appreciate what we are doing and how we are doing it.  The universe opens.  We're no longer exhausted or emotionally frozen.  The alarm goes off, and we get dressed and we face our demons.  If we're lucky we may even learn to love them.

We've heard from those who have made an indelible mark on the world, that success means risk taking and the embrace of “no regrets.”  But there are always doubts and when those doubts surface, we must look at what we have and where we’ve come from to appreciate where we might be heading.  It’s not always important to know.  It’s important to love.  Fear becomes faith.  Gratitude overpowers regret and anger.  Or at least, it can, if we allow it.

When I was 18, I walked, no ran away from a passion of mine.  I let one disappointment shatter all of my passion, all of my dreams. It was devastating.  I was afraid of how much love I had.   It was easy to do too because I chose fear over tenacity.  I chose fear over passion and drive.  But here’s the “rub.”  Our passions are not realized nor developed until we’re ready to receive them and handle them.  We need advocacy and we need mentoring or support but no one needs to tell us what is right for our soul.  We know in our hearts what is right and no one needs to tell us otherwise.

"Diamonds in the Soles of Her Shoes..."

"Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world." - Marilyn Monroe

 I have a huge problem.  I am a "shoe-a-holic."  There I said it, and I am not ashamed. Attention men, attention.  Women love their shoes and you should be grateful for that because without our shoes and yes, our handbags, we might as well be shadows; void of color and texture and individuality.  We are..."our shoes." 

Why are shoes important to us?  I'll tell you why.  It's because shoes define who we are at any given moment.  The smart man will at first glance, take a look at the shoes his date is wearing and instantly know where he's heading that night.  Shoes tell us where we've been and where we're headed.  They can be impressive or used for show.  They can also show our honesty.

Shoes are a lot like relationships.  (Chew on that for a second, will you?)  New shoes are like new relationships.  We instantly fall in love at first sight.  We buy into them with all of the altruism and hope for their wear.  That is until we put them on for a trial run.
Some shoes, although beautiful, will give us blisters, bunions, and cause an insurmountable amount of pain.  The question then becomes, do we continue to wear them until they are broken in or do we cast them aside for the comfortable worn pair of moccasins? Do we return them, get our money back and go back to the shoe rack?  When a woman buys a pair of shoes, she buys them with the very best of intentions. When she commits to a relationship, guaranteed, like a favorite pair of shoes, she's made a major purchase or investment with her emotions.  Shoes define us.

When I moved in with my husband, I remember the look of disbelief at the boxes of shoes awaiting their transport to their new home.  They filled the entire back of his truck.  I thought his tears were tears of joy about starting our lives together but then I saw the closets I would be using and understood, his were tears of major concern.  Which would win?  Him or the shoes?  There had to be compromise.  He bought me two shoe racks.  I reluctantly gave up a few pairs because well, even shoes run their course.  Sad but true.

No one pair of shoes are alike.  They are as diverse as we are and they are personal.  Let's not forget that it is our feet that carry us and get us from one place to another.  Our feet carry our weight and our shoes keeps us moving in the right direction...hopefully.  If our feet are happy, so are we.  We are what we wear on our feet.  The story of Cinderella taught us that.  The glass slipper opened up new doors for the fairy tale heroine.  She realized shoes made the woman.  She had a fairy godmother.  We have the internet and DSW Shoe Outlet.

Whenever I buy a new pair of shoes, I look at the soles.  I look at their construction.  I think about whether they will be a good fit.  This has become my mantra for my relationships and my day to day trials and tribulations.  My shoes have taught me to problem solve.

Shoes make women happy.  So gentlemen, the next time you see a box delivered from Amazon.Com or see a shoe box from Macy's feel grateful.  Your woman has just increased her trust and made a personal choice to assert her politics, her individuality and her desire to be attractive. She renewed her identity for her sake and for yours.  If the shoe fits,  your world just got a whole lot more interesting.