"Love's labor, lost?"

“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.” - Ogden Nash

Someone very close to me, whom I love more than life itself, is getting married soon and as I think of him, I can’t help thinking about my own marriage.  Life changes on a dime and although marriage came later to me than most, change was eminent.

To this person I love and his love, I would say this.  You’re getting married and this means, you are agreeing to a contract based on kindness.  Kindness, always from now until death, will matter and keep your relationship whole.  When in doubt and when there’s anger, think kindness first before any other reaction and you will solve the conflict.

I’ve been incredibly angry.  I never knew anger until I got married.  But the gift was that my husband wasn’t afraid and didn’t love me any less. He let me be angry.  The lesson: anger is real.  It’s important and it needs to be expressed through healthy discussion. You have to feel safe to be angry.  Marriage should make you feel safe. Ironically, we feel the most “unsafe” just before we get married.  I can only imagine how you’re feeling right now. Marriage is not for the weak of heart. Chew on that...

Be a good roommate.  Clean up after yourself.  Don’t expect your spouse to be the maid.  There should be no servitude in a marriage.  Clean the toilets.  Replace the toilet paper.  Take the garbage out and pick up your laundry.  No job should be beneath you. 

Your physical health is the single most important part of your marriage.  Don’t ignore what your body is telling you.  Put your health first for the sake of your loved one.  No one knows what lies ahead but good health makes us better partners, lovers and friends. Walks, hikes, a swim at the beach are quick fixes to just about everything...that is why, it’s important to feel healthy enough to do them.  Remember that.

There are non-negotiable, deal breakers in a marriage.  But hear this...you will keep secrets and you will not tell your spouse everything.  Keep some things for yourself.  You are entering a partnership but that doesn’t mean you lose your individuality.  Yes, it’s true.  You have someone else to consider now.  The world does NOT revolve around you anymore.  But, you need to keep a sense of yourself and remember keep doing the things that you are passionate about and that make you happy.  Your spouse is marrying you for who you are, warts and all.  Keep your passions.  Your spouse, your love, will never ask you to give up what you love.

Love is grand.  Love is essential to the human soul.  Marriage is entirely different than what you ever thought it would be.  If you keep your courage, it will bring you more self-awareness and more growth as a human being than you ever thought possible.  Pass the wedding cake and start the music...it’s time to dance at your wedding.