"Gratitude Means Attitude"

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." Melodie Beattie

Last summer, I lost partial vision in my right eye.  It can only be described as looking through the bottom of a water glass.  You can see objects but they are skewed, as though you were viewing the art work of Picasso.  I got the wake up call of a life-time and I am grateful.  But here's the rub, what does gratitude really mean? Was the glass half empty or half full? What direction had I been taking...or faking?  

I've been close to people who very rarely feel grateful. I don't see them much anymore.  It is so easy to ride the "pity train."  I was a regular passenger actually.  Here's a cold reality.  Life is often difficult.  We often expect it to be easy and frankly it's not.  What do we do then, when we are hurting and discouraged by what we originally thought was promising or even "fabulous" at first?  What happens when our expectations aren't met?  What happens when the disappointment and pain are so overwhelming, we doubt we will ever grateful for anything...not even pizza.

I can only suggest that the answer lies in art, in any form.  My personal quest this summer has led me to Picasso, Stephen King, my family, my marriage.  Music has also certainly played a monumental part in not only forgetting about expectations but simply enjoying the moment.  Is it possible to live in the present and put the past behind you?  Yes.  But you need humor to do it.  I found my sense of humor.  Teach eighth graders and you will find your sense of humor very quickly.

At my last visit to the retina specialist, it seemed as he was looking into my eye, my soul, it seemed he  was afraid to tell me he saw an improvement.  Really???  He had been very ready to tell me the worst case scenario but he couldn't tell me good news?  Really?  I looked at him and decided to be grateful.  I was grateful because here was this man, a man who had my fate and faith in his hands, be overly cautious with someone he barely knew.  Needless to say, he and the wonderful oncologist at Sloan Kettering, are my new definition of heroes.  

Gratitude has a very new definition for me these days.  My sister Jen tells me to "enjoy the journey."  How right she is.  Since the summer, every important relationship in my life has new meaning.  It was as if my physical vision although compromised, gave me a deeper vision into the ultimate importance of the following:

• Honesty can in fact be the propeller to richer relationships. Your relationships will never be perfect.  But the relationships that matter depend on honesty. End of the story...
• Fear can force us to see just how brave we're going to be given a crisis.  We're all afraid of something.  And yes, there are things that we all agree are scary.  Here's what I've learned...The braver you can be, the more you verbalize your fears and bring them to the surface, the stronger you will become.
• What can I say about laughter?  I have been so blessed with people who make me laugh so hard, I needed a change of panties.  How did this happen?  I invited it all into my world. I allowed humor into my world. What a miracle and how grateful I am for the laughter.  I didn't realize how skillfully I had avoided joy.  Perhaps I was afraid that people wouldn't take me seriously.  I've realized I was taking myself too seriously and that was causing more heartache.  Now, all I want is more laughter, more joy, more belly laughs.
• It's important to make others laugh too!  I don't know how this happened but I have been the cause of more humor over the last few months, even in the midst of my own concerns about health.  It's been nothing short of a miracle to cause others to laugh...and laugh hard.  I can only hope I never forget how to do just that.  I have been saved because of laughter.  How about the rest of you?  I say be bold.

In short, gratitude means attitude.  Life is truly difficult.   It's challenging...and sometimes, you want to leave it all, run to Paris and live among the "ex-patriots."  But then we wake up, invite all of the good things into our lives and forget about the passport.  There is no passport, no free ride.  We just invite the good things into our lives and magically, we become more grateful.  I don't know what my future holds and frankly, I've learned, "I don't care."  I only care about "now."  I only care about taking every good thing that's been handed to me and loving it.  How about you?