"With a Conscience" - "Happy New Year - Part Two"

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year."  - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Happy New Year!  Welcome the year 2013 with joy and a toast!"  All right, all right, I know ...enough.  We've all been through enough this year.  We've seen too much.  We've heard too much.  This is our world in the New Millennium.  We have literally over-dosed on information so to show my sensitivity, this column will not be talking about news.  No news, is good news.

When I was young, say six or seven years of age, I used to imagine what my life would be like in the year 2000 or now, in 2013.  I couldn't even have possibly imagined in my dreams that our world would come so far and then take such huge dramatic downfalls.  This, however, is what Mom and Dad used to call, "life."  As a child, I would imagine all kinds of things for the years ahead.  I would visualize what I would be doing when I was "all grown up."  I wished and wished and wished....college came and went.  Family and friends got married, had children, got divorced, got remarried.  I witnessed a spiraling world of change, some life-affirming and wonderful, some just terrible.  But I wished and I wished and then one day, I stopped wishing because well, I had turned 40.  I realized that wishing for things wasn't going to make them happen. I stopped wishing. The next few years, the wishing stopped but oddly I started doing more than I ever thought possible. I also realized, I was wrong to stop wishing.  Hopes and dreams breed passion and creativity for new challenges and hopefully success.  Wishing for things can often "will" them to happen.

Here's what I wish folks. 

• I want to look in my refrigerator and always have the mundane challenge of figuring out what I want to eat.  (There are plenty of people who don't have this issue.)
• I want the roof over my head to protect me from rain, sleet, snow...I am forever grateful for the roof we have now.  It makes me feel secure.
• I want my tenth grade teacher "Mrs. Petty" to know that the student she called "border-line illiterate" now teaches AND teaches in a societal climate she could have never survived.
• I want my friends and my family to know that I understand that no one is perfect, can be perfect, and the moment we try, we are creating insanity for ourselves and those around us.  We are also failing to love the imperfections that make us so damn wonderful.
• I want the guy at the pizza place, (You know who you are...) to continue to add the extra garlic and tomatoes to our white pizza.  I thank God Almighty, for pizza.  We should all be grateful for pizza.
• I want to try and keep the same hair color and same length of my hair for at least, oh a year?!  Is this possible?  Only my husband knows for sure. No more frustration about hair for one year! 
• I want my car to start even in cold weather...always!  I want the frost to automatically scrap itself off too.
• I want my feet not to hurt so I can continue to wear all of the glorious shoes I have in my closet, particularly the pair of boots I was just given by my brother-in-law.  "These boots were made for walking..."  They have serious attitude and I need and love having a serious attitude when I can.  
• I want to continue to work on having patience; particularly when I'm in a 55 miles per hour speed zone and the person in front of me is doing 25. There are so many rewards when we remind ourselves that patience is indeed a virtue. We pause, we breathe and find the appropriate solution to just about anything if we remember this...  "Patience in all things...patience with all things."

Happy Happy Happy New Year.  Life will never fully be what we expect it to be.  Sometimes we get spared, sometimes we don't when we are faced with the unexpected. The real question in 2013 is, "How will we cope?"  "Will we break or bend?"  "Will we love or hate?" "Will we forgive or hold a grudge?"  The answers are fairly important to our happiness in 2013 and beyond.

With a Conscience - "Old Angst Sign" 2013

"New Year's Day is every man's birthday."  ~ Charles Lamb

The holidays are coming to an end for 2012 and frankly, I always feel some kind of weight has been lifted when a new year is approaching.  It never mattered much to me whether I made new resolutions and kept them or simply didn't make any at all.  Every year, when the ball at Times Square falls, I think of one thing.  LOVE.

When I was younger, I had one wish at New Year's.  It was that I would fall hopelessly in love and find someone who could love me with all of my idiosyncrasies. I found him.  He has a bunch of idiosyncrasies too, but hey, if you're looking for perfection, you will remain alone. Human beings are not perfect.  We have all kinds of frailties and faults but when we find love, love rescues us even when we're not looking to be rescued.

I want people to love what they do for a living.  I wish for all of us to get off the roller coaster of the ridiculous pressure that every corporate or public service position has been handing off to each employee.  You hear this from everyone, every where.  The middle class is working its fingers to the bones only to be honored by more layoffs, skeleton crews and expectations that simply are not attainable.  We should love what we do.  We should have a passion for our work.  If we don't love what we do, we should find the courage to do what we feel passionate about and dedicate ourselves to without looking back.

On that same thought, I want us to love our children.  Forget about the fiscal cliff, unless we all cooperate and teach our young people to respect a good education and have a serious work ethic, the new years ahead will be filled with mediocrity and apathy.  Other countries understand this.  We should too.  Forget about the fiscal cliff folks.  It's our children we need to be concerned about more than dollars and cents.

I want us to the earth.  I want us to respect nature and its relationship to mankind.  I want us to not dread a snow storm but to walk in it.  I want us to understand that with every news-breaking natural disaster comes a bigger warning about sensationalism.  Respect nature and mankind will survive.  Forget about nature and we will continue to see how it reacts to us in the most violent of ways.

I want us to love each other.  We have had two wars overseas, sucking us dry financially and spiritually.  I want us to look at each other and accept the differences we have and perhaps learn from each other at the same time.  There isn't one person that has become my friend, that I haven't learned something valuable from them at some point.  Surround yourself with strong people with a sense of humor and you can overcome just about anything.  I want those who are so desperate to fall in love to remember that nothing good comes from desperation.  I know those feelings well and it never served me well.  I made more mistakes when I felt desperate.  I have had more success when I took my time and used my gut to tell me what was right.

So to those who read this column, "Happy New Year!"  Kiss your loved ones, kiss a stranger when the clock strikes twelve! Those who are strangers often become best friends and well, even husbands or wives.  Take a chance!  Tell each and every person who means something to you that you love them and admire their grace and their strength.    Let 2013 be the year we embrace change and embrace ourselves.  Let us not be indifferent but let us BE different without guilt.  Happy 2013 everyone!!! Uncork the champagne!

With a Conscience - "A heavy dose of reality"

"If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich."  - John F. Kennedy

After a long, and I mean looooooooooooooooong day of teaching, I stopped at the grocery store to buy a couple of things for "the husband" and I.  As I was entering the store, a middle-aged gentleman was hovering over a over-flowing shopping cart of a very elderly woman, probably in her 80's.  "I'm sorry," he told her.  "We have to take back more than half of these items.  You can't afford all of this."  The older woman stood there blankly staring at the cart.  My heart, and I'm sure his heart, was breaking into bits of remorse and fear.

We age.  We all age.  When I was 13 or 14, I wanted to be 20.  When I was 20 or 21, I wanted to be 40.  When I reached 40, I felt like the entire world was opening up to me.  When I reached 50, I realized that I had just begun my life.  Every decade, I am re-inventing the possibilities of my future.  Today, I had one question.  "Could that ever be me?  Could I end up like this woman?"  I drove home in a complete and utter fog.

I had a second reaction by the time I reached home.  "Anyone of us can end up in the situation this elderly woman was in at the store.  Perhaps she had Alzheimer's and was trusted to buy what she needed and her care-taker's trust was overly invested.  Perhaps, though, she really needed the groceries in her cart and simply couldn't afford it.  That realization devastated me. I was then ashamed because I was focusing on my own feelings and not hers and certainly not on her relative, caretaker who started taking the groceries back to the store.

It's a sad, sad state of affairs when older people are shamed into returning basic necessities because they can't afford them.  This is a harsh, harsh reality.  I realized today, that there is so much I need to be doing before, before, my energy and my passion leave me.  What is happening to the elderly of our society is not kind.  No elderly person should have to make a choice over the types of groceries they can keep or not keep.  

It is the very young and the very old that seem to be the least respected, cared for and vulnerable in our modern society.  We don't make time for either.  This is the cost of modernism.  This is the cost of putting "things" over "beings."  Our young, our elderly, give us the balance and the ability to love.  It's frustrating at times.  It hurts sometimes.  However, if we don't start putting human life ahead of our own materialistic needs, we are bound to longer, harsher winters than the present one.

As I was driving away, the elderly woman was still outside, looking at her cart.  Her caretaker no where to be found.  I suppose he was busy returning items.  I was busy wondering why I hadn't realized until now that life changes on a dime.  The new year is almost upon us and I'm now thinking that I still have a long, long ways to go in developing my understanding of the human condition.  Being 50 doesn't mean I have all the answers.   Unfortunate situations can happen to any of us at any age and it's how we look out for each other that make and keep our souls healthy.  How willing are any of us to step out of our own "self-absorbed," self-effacing" behaviors to remember that when we have more than enough, we need to advocate for those who don't.

With a Conscience - "Give a boy a gun"

"I believe we are still so innocent. The species are still so innocent that a person who is apt to be murdered believes that the murderer, just before he puts the final wrench on his throat, will have enough compassion to give him one sweet cup of water." -  Maya Angelou

A few years ago, when I was in my masters program, one of my professors had us read Todd Strasser's Give A Boy A Gun.  It chronicled through interviews (in a fictional premise) a "Columbine" type incident.  It was one of the most powerful pieces of young adult literature I have ever read and still stays with me today...particularly today with the horrific news coming from Newtown, Connecticut.  

Sandy Hook Elementary School now aligns itself with a history of tragic, unforeseen rampages that continue to baffle, mesmerize and sadden us.  The incident also disgraces the very ideals we have about public education and our "No child left behind" mentality.  Children were left behind today.  We failed miserably in protecting them and those who committed themselves to educate and protect them.

Gun control measures, the second amendment are the antithesis of the current news.  Let's face it; We have always been fascinated with guns.  We cannot deny this but how can we embrace the notion that all of us are entitled to own a weapon if we choose and justify that very concept when it kills the innocent.  Guns have killed thousands of innocent people.  That should be the wake up call.  

Adam Lanza, today's shooter of the innocent, enters the current historic timeline of mass rampage murders innocent Americans experienced, suffered and dealt with in the most public of circumstances.  The media makes it so and frankly, I don't think the media has done these events any favors.  The innocent children and adults of these events needed the media to protect them and televising the events on continual, hourly basis is inappropriate and setting our society up for more desensitization to violence and encouraging a lack of acknowledgement that life is indeed precious. 

It is also worthy to note that these rampage murderers were young, with a history of troubles, and entitlement.  Their families were caught off guard but those who were close to them knew full well that something was terribly wrong and that they were destined to  get the so needed attention, some how, some way.  They always know but it's difficult to admit that something has gone terribly wrong and that these young people were capable of planning and executing horrendous acts of violence.

Lastly, our public schools are burdened with being parent, psychologist, nutritionist and then teacher to our young but we are still in a vulnerable state and protection is a vital, necessary component now,  now more than ever.  Frankly, protection of administration, teachers and most importantly, our children needs to be addressed.  Forget standardized testing for a brief second and take the millions and millions of dollars spent on standardized testing and spend it on the safety and protection of our schools with security cameras, security officers, not seniors, or temporary hall monitors but how about hiring those military officers who have served our country and now need jobs.  How about instead of testing mandates, we mandate safety first?

Across the country, teachers, I  will bet, like myself, are asking themselves, "Am I helpless?"  "Am I a target for the dysfunction that is increasing in our young every year?"  "Do I want to be a target along with my students who have no idea about the fragility of human life?"  "How can I teach, when my students feel vulnerable?"

I have a heavy, heavy heart about what all of this really means for education.  I have a heavy, heavy heart for what this means for young people and my dedicated colleagues who have no answers.  I have no answers. I serve the public.  I work for the public good.  When do we, as the public wake up and collectively protect our young and make them see that their future can not be built on the success of video games and Facebook but on respect of themselves and human life.  

As a teacher, as an unknown fellow colleague, I extend my condolences, my sadness to Sandy Hook Elementary.  May this never, ever happen again...anywhere.

With a Conscience - "The Twinkie that almost wasn't"...

"Life is like a twinkie, we all want the fluffy golden outside but it's the cream filling that really matters." - Tom Brady

Ah my goodness!  What a wacky world we live in huh?  Who would have thought that our educated, techno-savvy society would be mourning and hoarding Hostess Twinkies.  What's more important than the fact that the recipe which will most likely be bought and absorbed by some other company, is the fact that it appears that now the "junk food" industry is also being effected by our struggling economy.  Here, we thought junk food would be left alone.  Banks, mortgage companies and the automobile industry would be no match for golden sponge cake with the almost non-biodegradable filling.  We were wrong.

Once again, people's jobs are going away after decades and decades of giving us the one thing that cures broken hearts, long all night study sessions and clogs our arteries.  It was only recently that we discovered that you can even deep fry them!  Was a Twinkie-macaroni and cheese casserole next?  Junk food, or should I say the politically correct term..."comfort food" is part of our American culture for decades so maybe, maybe like our spending habits and our immediate gratification for all things, is changing.  Maybe America needs to grow up.  Maybe these things that are happening or have happened within the past decade or two are not Armageddon or the second coming.  Perhaps we are just being told to change our ways.

Change is tough to accept and it's hard to do.  Nicotine withdrawal, alcohol withdrawal, weight management are huge health issues, STILL.  We spend beyond our means and find it difficult to save.  I think people were not as upset about Twinkies as they were about the loss of control they feel over their own lives.  We all know what this feels like because we're human and we enjoy freedom.  Modern society enjoys its freedom to do whatever we please, whenever we please and don't want to be told otherwise.  We encourage entitlement.  We know it and our children know it too.  But here's the question.  Are we entitled to the consequences that come with assuming that our employers will take care of us?  Are we entitled to the consequences that come with feeling well...entitled?  

What matters most is that we keep a system of checks and balances in our lives.   Life is balance.  We can't do the things we used to do and that is how it should be.  That is the natural progression of our existence.  When we fight nature, we suffer.  Twinkies were never natural.  They just made millions feel good even when their lives were far from fortuitous.  My DNA, I suspect is like so many others.  It's tough to let go of our "inner Twinkie" even when we are forced to and that's the usually the way it works for most of us.  We won't change until we have to or the laws of nature force us to evaluate where our priorities are.

Like nature, like human beings, I'm sure Twinkies will rise again.  Will they look different?  Will they taste different? Probably, but they will serve their purpose because they had a purpose.  Now doesn't also sound like human nature too?  When we have purpose, we have happiness.  We just have to remember to check in with ourselves from time to time and taste the filling of our soul. If the inside filling tastes good to us, we're doing the right thing.

With a Conscience - " Thanksgiving"

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice."  ~Meister Eckhart

I can't exactly remember when I forgot to be grateful for the gracious, wonderful things in my life.  Somehow, at some point, I let so many outside influences dictate my happiness, my peace of mind that years went by without showing any gratitude for the life I have led.  My life has moved so fast that it hardly seems possible that I had forgotten about gratitude.  

I thought I was a decent human being.  I thought I had my priorities straight and my life in order.  Marriage changed all of that but the one thing that I keep thinking about today, this morning in fact, is the issue of being gracious and thankful for so many things. The years of turkey and stuffing at the family dinner table never entered my mind.  So here is what I'm thankful for and hopefully my readers can identify with some of these observations.

• I'm thankful for shoes.  Yes, shoes.  Here's why.  Millions around the world don't have them.  My closet is filled with marvelous shoes that have defined my moods, my personality and my individuality.  Millions around the world don't know what that feels like. I am a brat.  That old saying "Walk a mile in my shoes"...well let me tell you, if we did that, we would all be much more compassionate and empathetic.
• I'm thankful for clothing.  Macy's, Kohl's, Walmart, J.C. Penney's, lower your prices even more!  People need to afford decent clothing.  Clothing defines who we are and what we project to the world.  I have to admit that I've been a complete brat about my love of clothes and now, all I think about is those people who can't afford to clothe their families.  I donate my clothing.  I donate a LOT of clothing, every year.
• I'm thankful for food.  I'm thankful for really, REALLY delicious food.  My family, my grandmother, my mother, my two sisters, well, we all cook.  Cooking and, eating, was and is the joy of our youth and our adult life.  It's where we all share our talents and our gratitude for being together.  It's always been that way, but it means more to me these days.   It means, we unite after not seeing each other and it means we pass the torch of our love and respect for each other.  Traditions are held with every home cooked meal and every celebration at the table.  I'm thankful for pizza too.  I'm sorry but I'm thankful for pizza.
• I'm thankful for family. I was born because my parents were committed.  It wasn't perfect for them but they knew where their priorities lived.  I'm thankful for the discipline that my mother and my father instilled in me. They knew I was never going to lead a conventional life but they tried.  I played by my rules but I always knew I was loved.  I'm thankful for their patience and their imperfections.  I'm thankful for their trust.  I'm thankful for my two sisters who are just so unbelievably talented and disciplined in so many various things and even though we are different, we really aren't.  We have the same connections that often scare me. I can't tell you how many times I've thought of one of them and suddenly, the phone rings or I call them and I hear, "Oh my, I was just thinking of you."  This has happened so many times that I embrace it.
• You knew this was coming.  I'm thankful for marriage.  I'm thankful for the ridiculous amount of patience marriage takes because it reminds each and every day that I need to walk my own truth and so does my husband.  As most couples find out, the days that are less than wonderful require even more patience and more gratitude.  They also require more love.  Your families give you unconditional love.  Your husband gives you love that is more intimate and more personal that it would be easy to be afraid and run away from it. We can fear that we will lose ourselves, our individuality but those are fears.  It doesn't have to be like that if we're happy with ourselves.   It also means that you really, REALLY love your husband so much in fact that you will go to Home Depot and Harbor Freight to get him the tool chest and pressure washer he REALLY, REALLY wants....But I digress...
• I'm thankful for my sense of humor.  I've lost my sense of humor so many times and that's not like me.  The days where I forget to laugh or crack a joke are dark days and not at all helpful when handling the situations that life gives us.  Sometimes humor has been a curse but for the most part, humor is the one saving grace we all have  Why some people don't use their sense of humor more is a mystery.  I will take laughter and tears together any day. This is life.  This is the ultimate balance we need to find if we are live with any kind of peace.  I'm also thankful for my hairdresser who covers my grays.  I'm thankful that I have a manicurist who gives me the best hand and shoulder massage that no matter what I've been through they seem to understand my pressure points.
• Finally, I'm thankful for all of my friendships and all of the experiences that have made me more flexible, more tolerant and more forgiving.  I'm thankful for the companionship and love that has been given to me two-fold all throughout my life and my life to come.  

Times are difficult for many.  No one gets a free ticket on life's train.  What I do hope is that the gratitude we give to ourselves and to others continues and that we all become more grateful as the years continue.  Bitterness and regret have no place in my Thanksgiving.  Gratitude saves us from ourselves.  

"With a Conscience" - I am better off than I was four years ago.

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.” - W. Clement Stone

 I am better off than I was four years ago but not because of a presidential election. The election is over and I know full well that many people are not happy with the outcome, although there are just as many people who are happy.  We should all be happy because we have the freedom to elect  our leaders and accept the outcome.  That's being an American.

I am better off than I was four years ago.  I'm better off than I was even ten years ago but not because of a presidential election.  I'm better off because well...I got real.  Call me a late bloomer.  Call me young at hear and naive.  Call me anything you want but it was roughly ten years ago that I got "real."

I realized that no one gets anywhere without working hard at something and having the passion and the work ethic to endure.  Presidential elections are not responsible for personal growth.  WE are responsible for personal growth and if we're not happy with the way our personal world has developed then we must change it.  Why am I better off? Here's why:

I know I'm not done by any stretch of the imagination.  I'm not done longing, wanting, desiring to build my life on my terms.  Is this simple?  Is this easy? No...no...no...no...NO it is not.  My world is based on trial and error.  It's based on falling flat on my face and picking myself up.  I get up.  I allow a certain amount of time to REALLY lick my wounds and then I move forward with my dreams, my passions and even more importantly, find the joy in all of it.

I will admit it.  I feel sorry for myself and others sometimes.  When I see people suffering I want to fix their pain.  When I see people suffering, I want to make them at least have one laugh or two.  Sometimes my sense of humor is appreciated.  Sometimes, I get it all wrong and it's not. Oooopps.

The best thing any of us can do is own our own decision-making and allow others to do the same.  It sounds cruel.  It sounds hard but that is the best gift anyone can be given.  The freedom to define their own life, on their terms and not enable them.  We should not "entitle" them either.  The best thing we can do is allow ourselves and anyone else the freedom to define their own set of values and let them develop them.  If they fail.  If we fail, then it's up to each of us to figure out how to problem solve.  Learning how to problem solve involves criticism and truth. 

 To move forward, to grow, we must lick our wounds and take the time to figure out for ourselves what we want, what we can live with and what we makes us happy.  Yes, happiness is important and it's important that although happiness isn't defined by "things" (Ok, so I love a new pair of shoes, or a new handbag...)  It is defined by the work we do to help the world function in a way that defies conventional-ism.  It is defined by what is genuinely in our hearts and in our minds.

I am better off these days because I pushed myself to see what I was capable of doing.  I am better off because I will never settle for anything less than the freedom to create, to work, to love.  If we value those things within ourselves, we can withstand any election, any setback and any wrong done to us.  It means that sometimes we will be weakened.  It means sometimes people won't like us or position themselves to hurt intentionally.  The success is in knowing who we are and what  we want and be able to verbalize it to anyone.  Communication is key and always will be the hardest part of success.  We don't like to have uncomfortable conversations but they have to happen. We will not learn anything otherwise.

Life is difficult.  Complacent behavior is deadly.  When we do our part and take advantage of what is literally right in front us, there is no loser.  We all win.

"With a Conscience" - Weathering Storms

"Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray."  - Lord Byron

Hurricane Sandy came and went and left devastation along our precious East Coast.  

So much of New York and New Jersey are in ruins.  Places that I have personally shared so much happiness and joy with loved ones that it stops my breathing. But there's a bigger problem beyond hurricanes and 90 mile winds and it deals with nature, not of the weathering kind but of the human kind.

As the endless, endless, ENDLESS news coverage continued, I could only help but feel that the news was relishing all of their attention on the reporters themselves and paying less and less attention to the human spirit that was dwindling with each ocean wave.   Nature can be cruel. Human beings today are so removed from this fact that they get completely shocked when havoc ensues.  So why do human beings react with the same vengeance? The news was showing the devastation of the storm and the devastation of the human spirit too.  People with their tempers out of control.  Home owners fighting off random acts of pilfering, stealing.  Burglary.  Finally today, the news was showing the spirit of community.  We say random acts of kindness instead of random acts of cruelty.  

I can't help but wonder why when human beings are collectively in the same situation, some respond in kindness, others respond with anger, and irrationality.  Why is there stubbornness instead of selflessness?  Trust me on this one fact-There are plenty of us today saying, "Thank God it wasn't me this time!"  That is a completely human reaction except that this time, the effects were felt everywhere.  Witness, the gas lines here locally. People travelling over an hour or move for gas.  This effected us regardless of whether or not we had a seaside home or not. 

Let cooler heads prevail.  Let us reach out with our common sense and our compassion and understand that bad, bad, BAD things can happen to all of us.  If you live long enough, this rings true.  What matters is that we become problem solvers.  What matters is that we think of the human suffering that very well could be ours at any given time.  What we contribute, what we give outside of our own self-absorbed world, will have more impact than any storm will.

The press, I'm sure believes that they were providing a viable service to the public by broadcasting 24/7 on the perils and the destruction of the this storm. Perhaps there is some shred of truth to their efforts but for this New Yorker, I would have much rather seen them out there helping the elderly, the poor, those who had no one to go to for help, than reporting on some beach, almost getting wiped away...Ridiculous, useless and not at all informative. If the press really wanted to be helpful, they would have emphasized what our governors and mayors were saying all along..."Keep your cool.  Remain calm and work with us.  Relief is coming but it will not come overnight.  We will be there.  We will persevere.

As my husband was preparing the generator for the storm, he looked at me and said "I am getting this thing ready and we'll probably not even need the thing."  He was right.  We were spared...We were spared this time.  It could always, be us.  It could always be you.  Be ready.  Be kind and think of others.  This is our moment here in the East Coast to show how it can be done.  

Ok now...kids...You are allowed to wish for snow days.

"With a Conscience" - "New York City"

           "The glamour of it all! New York! America!" -  Charlie Chaplin   

        So much has been written about New York City that there isn't on cliche left to describe how incredible and wonderful New York City is.  My mother made the worst mistake by taking me to New York City for the first time at nine years old.  We watched "Lawrence of Arabia" at Radio City Music Hall, watched the Rockettes afterwards. We walked past the New York Public Library and I remember being so intrigued by the lions holding court at its entrance.  I was never the same.

       There have been of course many trips since then.  I was enthralled with the first Broadway musical I saw.  "Pippin."  I would play the part of Berthe at 42.  Every time I go to New York City I learn something new about myself and those that accompany me. From my mother, I learned that to experience New York, one must walk.  Not one block, not two blocks but at least 20 or more if one was to get the full experience of Fifth Avenue and beyond.  From my sisters, I learned one doesn't go to New York City without the required red lipstick.  For my sister Jojo and I, the shoe department at Macy's is our church, and we make our religious pilgrimages whenever we can. My favorite pair-the red patent leather Ralph Lauren pumps.    

       My sisters find the grace and the class of New York City. We have heard the "Messiah" at Carnegie Hall on a chilly night in December.  Yes, it was on Thursday.  Yes, we didn't get home till 1 a.m.  But I don't think each of us wanted to be any where else that night. We've been to the Metropolitan Opera at Lincoln Center to experience "La Boheme."  I never witnessed anything so beautiful and emotional. We are always where we are supposed to be. New York City reunites all those who are ready to accept the differences in humanity.  My sisters and I try do the same.

      Friendships have been re-kindled and re-affirmed eating pizza,  burgers at  the "Shake Shack" and of course "Cosmos."  New York City has been the one place, the one location where my sisters, my good friends, the best, best of best, of my friends have joined me on so many great excursions.  New York City is neutral territory.  No one gets angry or frustrated while eating a street pretzel. 

      I took my husband to the "Lion King" early on in our relationship and I remember watching his face in awe of the pageantry and the dancing.  I think after that he really understood where my passions for theater stood. It's quite something watching your husband sing "Hakuna Matata."  That's when I understood there was so much more to him than I realized.

      It was two years ago that I walked on an off-off Broadway stage and in the audience were some of the most supportive wonderful people on the planet.  There was family, precious friends, and of course, my husband. The theater seated maybe 60 people.  The dressing room was the size of well, it was larger than a closet. The cast, we, didn't care.  You don't care about that in the theater, in New York City because, it's New York City. I couldn't breathe as the lights went out. 

      The piano bar "Don't Tell Mama" is still probably reeling from my rendition of "New York, New York."  Ok so, I'm no Liza, but New York City has a way of bringing out the best in people.    The microphone was put in my hand, and suddenly I was someone different. I was living a dream.  New York City loves "different.'  It loves "individuality."   If New York City likes you, you know have  developed into a stronger, more determined person.

     If you want adventure you can find it in New York City.  King and I have been to the Top of Rock and observed the vastness that is New York.  It is greater than us.  It's a city but it's the apex of diversity and natural wonders and yes, some are not natural.  Some of the sights are the true accomplishments of the human spirit and sweat.  Travel to the World Trade Center and you will reminded of the sacrifice and the love people have of the city.  You feel it through your bones and you shiver.  This is why I go back.  This is why "Once a New Yorker...Always a New Yorker."

     



        

      

         

"With a Conscience" - "Politics"- Becoming An American

                       "Politics"- Becoming An American

"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."  - Plato

The summer has come to a close and while most of us are hopefully vacuuming the beach sand out of our cars and storing our bathing suits and shorts for next year, one can't help but turn our attentions to the reality that is presidential politics.  It's the fourth quarter in the fourth year of another presidential super bowl and I am hoping that those who are eligible to vote this year will do so. I'm worried about the continually growing apathy and lack of accurate knowledge of so many citizens.

This summer, my husband and I watched the sun set at Sunset Beach in Cape May, New Jersey.  As is customary, the American flag is flown, the "Star-Spangled Banner" is sung and as is customary, my husband and I put our right hand across our chest and kept it there until the flag was lowered.  Families, young people were all around us and I was shocked by how many of the young people of all ages kept texting, talking on their cells, and were not standing. Some were simply not paying any attention at all. Baseball caps and other hats remained on their heads.  Their parents, or other adults made no move to correct them.

As I observed this lack of patriotism, the simple courtesies and behavior that I learned along with walking and talking, it occurred to me that we had a much bigger issue here besides these courtesies.  We have apathy. We have a lack of pride. We have a lack of interest in facts.  Although I will be the first person to legitimately debate a political issue, I would never deny that I am grateful for what I have.  But I worked for it and I understand that it can all be gone in a "New York minute."  I understand gratitude.  I started to think that the reason we are seeing too much violence and anger and apathy in young people is that no one gave them boundaries.  No one taught them gratitude.

I am concerned that we are becoming so over-whelmed with ourselves that we are forgetting about one simple thing.  In order to protect our liberties, our right to voice opinions, we actually have to be interested in how politics is shaping not just our country but the world.  We need to make intelligent, factual based decisions and this includes when we vote.

Politicians can feed us rhetoric and feed us many promises.  They can instill us with the hope that things will change. We vote because we have a responsibility to point OUR government in the direction that will protect us and our financial security here and around the world.  

It's not just the presidential campaign that is important.  Every time we vote for a local town official, assemblyman, school budget, senator, congressman, we are promoting our desire to keep peace and exhibit control over our own destiny.  This is why we can't just vote based on emotion or sensational half-truths.  We must vote on facts.  We must expose ourselves to all of the sides of an issue before establishing our own.

We need to read more than one magazine or newspaper.  We need to listen to more than one news broadcast in the evening and with the technology we have at our fingertips this isn't terribly difficult.  We need to understand the difference between reliable information and "hype."  

During presidential elections, there is a certain amount of theater that takes place and it's rather entertaining at times to watch the political creativity develop.  But then the voting machines open up and you wonder,  "Are we voting based on emotion or on facts?"  Is politics based more on emotion? If this is the case, we need to figure out how to make our young people comfortable in educating themselves.  They need to respect free-will with responsibility.  They need to become sensitive again instead of "desensitized."  

What I witnessed at Sunset Beach this summer was a lack of  knowledge.  Dangerous. It's dangerous not to care about the world around you.  It's dangerous to care more about your things than you do your loved ones and the place you were born.  

Being an American means, you have the right and the responsibility to be heard and that means voting, that means speaking your truth respectfully and intelligently.  Being an American means you have made your decisions based on concrete truth and can have an intelligent debate with those who disagree with you.

Being an American means you respect the idea that we protect those who are weaker and stand for the idea that even though we may be different, we can respect those differences.  Being an American means you understand that it's important to follow your passions and defend the right for others to  to follow theirs.

Being an American means that we respect education and see the value of a differing opinion.  Apathy is not part of the American ideal.  Americans come together and Americans vote their conscience.  Americans vote.

"With a Conscience" - " Education Nation"

                                            Education Nation?

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle

Now here this! In roughly two weeks, I begin my 186 day descent  into the public school educational abyss and hope to come out with my dignity and mind in tact.  I'm sorry "public" but I've been a dedicated, hard-working, serious-minded professional in the field of education for six years and well, I can't make heads or tails of any of the decisions being made by our politicians.  None of them, NONE of them have ever taught in a classroom of 25 or more. This, THIS I find interesting considering educational policy is being dictated by these very policy makers.  When did education become political?  When did teachers become the enemy? The political rhetoric and negotiating that is happening behind closed doors is insulting to anyone who has gone into teaching for one reason...They wanted to help young people.  They wanted to make a difference.

As August is coming to a close, and school buses make their trial runs,  I am amazed by how many incredibly horrible news stories are being published on the internet about "teachers gone bad."  How timely.  Just when I've spent a couple hundred dollars on supplies, planned my curriculum and written my "Welcome Back" letter to parents about how important "kindness and respect" will be in my classroom. The public is then reminded of how many incompetent, horrible educators are working, causing irrevocable damage.  On another note, when was the life of a teacher ever presented with dignity and the respect it deserves on a television show or movie?  Yes, perhaps there are a few but not enough to keep the interest of the iPad, iPhone, X-Box generation.  

I spent over 20 years in the business world.  I worked without unions and survived solely by my morality and ethics.  I survived and kept an apartment and spent my money on used cars and an occasional manicure.  Then I met my husband and I was happy to revisit the life long dream of teaching, spending more than $36,000 on my masters degree and yes, I graduated with honors.  The universe opened up and I was hired as an academic intervention teacher for English language arts.  Another word for, "We're giving you every student with every variable on ability and well...here's a pencil. Tenure in three years. "  I worked hard. I dedicated myself to the kids in front of me...hungering for guidance, encouragement and faith..Things they were NOT getting in their homes.The last time I read an article on the subject of tenure, 50 per cent of those entering the field of education will drop out of teaching within the first five years.  If teaching was indeed the "cake-walk" job the public believes it is, then why do so many leave?  I was not going to leave.  It meant too much.  It still does.

Teaching is not for the weak of heart.  I work with strong personalities and now I understand how they got that way.  Teaching is not for the timid.  We are faced with the most incredible apathy and disrespect ever witnessed in decades and are expected, no less, to accommodate that behavior with understanding even when the behavior would make anyone's toes curl.  I'm 51 years old and when I was a kid in school,  I wouldn't have dreamed of speaking to any adult the way students speak to the adults at my job.  Education has to take place...respect has to be given and I don't see any of this being addressed by any politician, from New York State to Hawaii.  Teaching is a three way street.  It's parents, school teachers and administrators. We have to work together and set the boundaries.  That's right, I said boundaries. Our children, our students need them.  It's simply that simple.

We can stop the insanity by understanding and accepting that not all students will be academically focused and that they should be given alternatives so that they can support themselves and their future families.  Yes, I said families...It's quite easy getting pregnant and becoming parents but it's another to actually "parent" and expose children to all of the possibilities the world offers...and parents are the first line of defense in the appreciation of a good education. That might not mean a regents diploma or a college degree.  It might mean learning a trade.  It might mean furthering their education when they have the appropriate support and maturity.  Education occurs when one is ready to receive it.  It happened for me that way and I suspect it happens for most people that way as well.

By the way, summers off are NOT a luxury but an essential part of coping with the year long physical and emotional requirements of the job.  I can say this legitimately because I have spent a great part of my adult life working for companies outside of public education and the allotted two week vacation always seemed to be enough of a perk. For the teacher, those two months mean re-developing curriculum, workshops and additional jobs that pay college loans and maintain the teaching license. There is very little down time and teachers understand this however, what the public doesn't understand is that with every new school year, there are new personalities to contend with, work with and some of these personalities exhaust even the strongest of us.  Some devastate and sadden us too.

In just about two weeks, my colleagues and I will begin a new school year with our intentions pure and our hopes high that we will be successful in reaching our students and hopefully they will care enough about themselves to do their homework, study and actively participate in their own education. Every year, I hope that parents will support my efforts. It's never encouraging when you're looking at a class of 30 and less than half have done their assignment which you assigned five days ago in great detail, step by step. Staring into the sea of faces that have no explanation for their lack of effort except, "I didn't feel like it." 

In just about two weeks, my alarm will ring at 5:30 a.m. and at 7:50 a.m.,  I will be introduced to a new deluge of students. Some will have learning disabilities. Others will struggle because they slipped through the cracks and are simply a part of the current educational abyss that is trying so hard to educate everyone and the significant failures continue to chip away at all of us who want better for each and every student that is sent to us.

An "Education Nation" requires that we not accept politics and public policy from those who have never taken on the profession.  An "Education Nation" can only evolve if it's public understands that education is the HIGHEST priority and that education comes in many forms and not just from a text book.  An "Education Nation" means that education is a predictor of ability but not the end result. More options have to be given. Availability of technology needs to be improved.  It means encouraging creativity and critical thinking, not test taking. 

 Education comes in many forms and not just at a desk and chair.  We need to impress upon students the importance of empathy and concern for mankind and that begins and continues to develop at home.  The 42 minutes I have with a class may impact them for a brief moment but as soon as my students arrive home, the familiar takes over. Education means teaching students how to use technology and the internet responsibly and not to abuse others.  Careful monitoring and controls within the home are needed more today then ever before.

I had such respect and love for my teachers growing up.  Instead of a cell phone or iPod, I had pencils, pens and notebooks carefully organized and I learned how to take control of my learning by understanding that my education would make me a better person, not a cell phone.  Did I always succeed at school?  No.  No, I did not but I understood that failure was never an option for me.  To fail meant I had given up and we need to teach perseverance and patience to our young people.  We need to teach them that with failure comes more effort, more work and ultimately, we survive it all.

Lastly, an "Education Nation" gives its highest regard and importance to stirring curiosity and problem-solving.  It encourages questioning, discussion and perpetuates the very best in all of us.  it doesn't point fingers and ridicule or use education as a political punching bag.  I look forward to a new year in the classroom but I also know that I will be faced with student issues that I won't be able to solve and my accountability for those issues will count towards my "effectiveness."  I can only ask my students to understand that their efforts define them, not me.  I am only the channel they can travel...to get to the other side.

"With a Conscience" - "Coming Home"

                                        "Coming home"

"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was...A time of innocence, a time of confidences..." Simon and Garfunkel 

I had the opportunity to spend some very precious time with childhood friends recently.  All I kept thinking about was how extraordinary it was that we were finding each other again.  I never realized how emotional and life-changing it would be. I grew up with these wonderful people and knew them as children. We rode the bus together, learned together and played on the playground together. Today,  I find them startlingly profound and intelligent and yes, driven.   Familiar, comforting memories came to me as we talked well into the early morning, drinking chardonnay, on the deck of a quite spectacular house in the Adirondacks or having drinks, over-looking the Hudson. Everything old was newly discovered and no one was more surprised by this than me.  I remembered the familiar smells of home cooking, fresh air, laughter.

I was initially nervous about meeting up with my friends again. What would we have in common now?  Would we have anything to really talk about as adults? Would we even like each other as adults? Within a nanosecond, I realized how foolish I had been.  We were older, maybe slightly more judgmental (but we earned that thank you very much...) but we instantly found our love of conversation.  I realized that no one escapes hurts, disappointments, tragedies, loss. We talked about aging, our parents, relationships, the successful ones and the failures. My friends had become brave people...courageous people...with strong resolves and resiliency.
I was coming home and  filling the unknown holes that were in my heart.  

As we talked about our childhoods, our parents, families, and everything in-between,  it occurred to me that I would never be alone.  Friendships need to be nurtured and continued.  It doesn't matter how many years go or what hurdles we jump.  Life has a way of sending us those people who can comfort us, just at the exact moment that we need it.  They remind us that we offered more than we ever realized.  Childhood can be incredibly cruel.  We doubt ourselves, and our abilities.  The insecurities surface for all of us in our youth. We relocate and go in the direction that we feel is correct.  It's the ties we make that either get us through those difficult years or potentially destroy us.  Our youth defines our adulthood.  I was astounded by how much I had forgotten until my friends reminded me...our favorite classroom teachers, wonderful summers spent at the local lake or at the dinner table. Intimate discussions on the school bus...We felt safe.

This summer has taken me back to the warmth and love of those love me.  Not that childhood was perfect. Anyone who says theirs was is lying profusely.   The time I spent with these good, sweet people from my youth has empowered me.  I thank them for their warmth, love, encouragement and faith.  I am so anxious now to see how the next chapters of our lives evolve.    It can only get more interesting,  and more compelling.  These are not "old friends," these are heroes.  They reminded me that I was a carefree, innocent, loving, kind individual and this is why I've been so incredibly blessed to have them come back into my life.

"With a Conscience" - " Baseball, Hot dogs, Soggy Fries and Thou...."

                Baseball, Hot dogs, Soggy Fries and Thou....

"These old ballparks are like cathedrals in America. We don't have big old Gothic cathedrals like they do in Europe. But we got baseball parks." - Jimmy Buffet

I have no interest in sports for the most part...really, I mean, I have just never found them interesting except for the "Superbowl" and I think that's because I get to eat chicken wings and nachos and well cold beer.  Sorry...but when one sees the exorbitant salaries of most pro-athletes, and yet, we are still arguing about policeman, emergency medical technicians, nurses and teacher salaries...well I just can't go there.

Then a miracle happened. The Dutchess Stadium was up and running and there was actual baseball taking place and wow, they offered fireworks!  My sister, my husband, my nephew and my brother-in-law bought tickets. And thus, the fun really began.  The tickets were inexpensive...$7.50 a ticket or so but then...we saved up our calories for foot longs, Blue Moon beers with orange slices, soggy fries and well, all of a sudden, all of us, were in heaven. We stood and listened to the National Anthem.  We did the chicken dance. We banged on bleachers as the Renegades' pitcher pitched along with the sound of a locomotive engine sounding it's horn.  We made complete idiots out of ourselves and boy, did we so love each other.

The fireworks came afterwords and I remember kissing my soon to be husband passionately as the first fireworks started.  My sister looked at me with love and my brother in law, well, he was just ecstatic with the whole evening.  Boy did we laugh.

I don't think any of us cared who won that the first game.  It wasn't important and five to six years later, it still isn't. We go to the stadium, and well, we sweat, we eat all the wrong things and we laugh.  We have gone ever since, rain or shine and we meet at the stadium gate, hug each other, and well, we just feel the freedom.  We collectively, feel free to enjoy each other, warts and all,  and it's joyful.

When you go to the local baseball stadium, you see all kinds of people getting together with their loved ones and no one seems to care about anything other than having fun. It's just the way it is and how thankful we all have been, each year to go.

What started out as just a quick get together is now a tradition.    A family connection we all made quite by accident but which continues to bring us together, each summer, rain or shine, with  foot longs in hand, the chilled air, autumn and winter and further family reunions soon to come...

"With a Conscience" - " Despicable Me"

                                Despicable Me

"Experience does not err. Only your judgments err by expecting from her what is not in her power." - Leonardo da Vinci

I made a huge mistake today.  I rushed to judgement.  I assumed that a particular individual in my life, one who I am incredibly close to and love dearly, thought I was incapable of carrying out a specific task and I went nuts.  Ballistic.  As I was working out my anger and frustration on the treadmill, I started to see the clearer picture.  Why am I so anxious and eager to rush to judgement? 

Here's what I know.  Everyone, even those we love, have their own agenda.  They have very personal reasons for behaving the way they do and for doing things their way. For each individual, it makes sense to them, and them alone.  Their goals or ideas are not ours. Their motivations are not our motivations.  How I wish that human beings could have an automatic judgment meter that would prevent them from assuming or rushing to a belief that simply isn't accurate. Why then do we immediately believe that whatever the other person does or wants to do is a personal affront to the rest of us? 

We've all been there.  We've all had an occasion with a loved one where our agenda did not coincide with ours.  And I would bet that our rush to judgment caused a problem or two.  The challenge then is how can we remedy this?  How can we use our intuition and our common sense to create more substantial relationships with those we love? I don't have the answer but I do have the concern.  Perhaps that's a start.

Every time we make an assumption or feel as though someone we care about is misleading us or potentially making the wrong judgment, let's try talking about it.  Let's put fear of criticism and fear of confrontation aside and simply ask that person why they think what they think or want to do what they want to do? Why not work to understand rather than rush to judgment?  Sometimes taking some much deserved or needed space gives us this ability.  Sometimes remembering that is always about love that keeps our relationships secure and safe.  Safety being the most important part of the issue. For us to become completely fulfilled in all of our relationships, we have to feel safe in order to keep those relationships growing.  Sometimes we are successful.  Sometimes we're not but at least we've learned something in the process.  We've probably learned not to rush to judgement with that person again.  Hopefully...

The human condition and history reminds us time and time again that no one is perfect. We can not improve our relationships, grow in love, or develop inwardly if we are afraid of making mistakes.  We make judgments naturally.  It's part of our perceptive process.  However, I believe more and more that being judgmental can make us unhappy, frustrated and ruin some of our closest relationships.  We can agree to disagree with those we love.  We can be honest and express our truth.  We are not the Supreme Court.  We are not "Judge Judy."  We are capable of extending our understanding and our compassion.  That, that we can do very easily.

"With a Conscience" - "My house of cards "

                                                    My house of cards                     

                              "Cards are war, in disguise of a sport." - Charles Lamb


I don't remember exactly what age I was when my mother took out a deck of playing cards and taught me how to play the game "Gin Rummy."  But what I do remember was that playing cards with my mother was always exciting, if not gut-wrenching.  I may have been the apple of my family's eye but when it game to cards, all of us were on an equal footing.  You played by the rules or you lost.  A clear, very simple lesson for someone at the age of six or seven.

"I'll shuffle the cards and deal the hand," my mother would say emphatically.  I would watch her skillfully shuffle the cards, and deal our hands. The game began.  It was war.  Mom was always, ALWAYS a fierce competitor.  There were rules.  You followed them or you forfeited points.  If you lost, and in the beginning I almost always did, you weren't allowed to quit.  You were challenged to play again and again until well, you won a game.  "That's not fair! You won again Mom," I would cry.  "Yes, yes I did," she'd reply with no guilt. I didn't realize it at the time but she was teaching me that winning takes time.  You had to learn the rules of the game before you could figure out how to win. How I wish it hadn't taken so long to realize the value of that lesson.

We graduated from "Gin Rummy" to the game of "Hearts" to the biggest card game challenge of all..."Canasta."  "Canasta" requires four decks of cards and it has a graduated level of collecting different groups of cards before you can actually win.  From the moment all of us learned "Canasta" there were late, late hours of card playing, laughing, yelling, howling, the throwing of cards.  War.  There were nights where it was all out war. My father, sisters, boyfriends who would become husbands, cousins, aunts would place themselves around our kitchen table and prepare to do battle.  Take no prisoners, we all thought.  Beyond the card games, we talked.  We talked and talked and talked.  We discussed anything that was important in our lives.  We debated, we argued and most of all, we laughed.  Boy oh boy, did we laugh.

After my father passed, the card playing stopped.  Why I'm not sure.  I guess all of us realized that we needed to proceed with the next stages of our life.  And we did.  But the card playing stopped and none of us seemed to even notice how important those days at the kitchen table were.  The loss of a parent tends to promote important changes and so, Mom, my sisters and I progressed.

And then, last week as if by some divine intuition, my sister, my nephew and I sat down with our Mom to play "Canasta" once again.  Mom,  " The Queen of Canasta," had no recollection of having ever played the game.  We sat down and commenced to rehash the directions of the game.  Not just for her but for us.  We had forgotten how to play the game too! But within 20 minutes, the cards had been dealt and we were back on the field of battle.  The banter, the fierce competition came back to all of us. All of sudden, we were following the rules and then learning how to use strategies that went beyond the rules.  

Mom won.  She didn't remember ever playing with any of us but she won.  She won outright. I looked at her in shock because she didn't really comprehend how she won. But she won. I looked at her and for a moment saw the woman who took the time to sit down with me and teach me the lessons of winning and losing with a deck of cards. I saw the person who had focused all of her energies on raising her children and keeping our world in order.  

Shockingly, I've been told, many young people today are not familiar with a deck of cards.  How unfortunate for them.  If I could, I would make it a mandate that every family own a deck of cards and play those aces, kings, queens, and jacks and manipulate those deuces wild and use the rules of cards to learn the lessons of life.  Everyone should own a deck of cards.