On the morning of my 62nd birthday, I pinched my leg, felt my arms and finally opened my eyes. I had made it to another birthday. My 61st year was the year I suddenly understood the true meaning behind the word "gratitude."
I am grateful for feeling the anger, the frustration, and the fear of what a cancer diagnosis perpetuates. I allowed myself to feel all of those feelings because, well, that was the way to healing and dealing. What I have also discovered is that the process of self-reflection has not ended and I am not sure that it should. The self-reflection keeps me motivated to let go of the past and concentrate on the present. The future is never guaranteed. There's the ultimate joke. We grow up, plan, plan, and plan some more as each decade goes by and what I have found out this year is that it is "TODAY" that matters. What did "TODAY" teach us, give us?
Lately, I ask the following questions: "Was I kind?" "Was I listening more than talking?" "Did I take responsibility for my actions?" "Did I speak truthfully?" "Did I laugh at least once, or twice, or more?" "Did I love unconditionally?"
Life is far from the perfection we are often led to believe it should be. It isn't perfect. In fact, it is at times ugly. We hold high expectations of others only to find that our expectations were never met. However, we also have to ask ourselves if we were clear and concise about what we expected to begin with and if we were not...What do we do to correct that so our relationships grow and do not become stagnant? When we are faced with the understanding that we are not invincible, you take your foot off the brakes and shift yourself into "drive." Put your faith in those who stand by your side even in the darkest of times. Those who are willing to walk in the dark with you, will appreciate you when the light returns. You will definitely appreciate them too, beyond measure.
Today, I feel stronger, more complete and at more at peace than I have ever been in my entire life. I have felt every emotion and see the fragility of life and I respect that fragility. We are not made of stone. We are not invincible. We are human. Like the Clint Eastwood movie, "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly," our lives hand us all of these things. Don't worry about being prepared for all of it either. We can not be. That would take the fun out of all this adventure, right?
